I feel like King Theoden of Rohan in The Lord of The Rings, when the Uruk-Hais are chargin down towards Helm's Deep, coz I'm goin like,

"So it begins."

What begins? The war.

Well, for one, the SAT II's on tomorrow. To me, its like, phew, finally. So far, while everyone's been sweating for A Levels, I've been sweating it out for the three subjects tests thats on tomorrow. They will be crucial to my admissions. After that, I've got solid 9 days to prepare somehow for Maths and Chemistry. Crazy, rite? I'm only having 9 days, to prepare for two A Level subjects. I'm throwin myself away. But really, I cant be bothered somehow coz right now, A Level grades will only be some form of a back-up, not necessarily a necessity (ok tt sounds weird) for my admissions. Tutors say, A Level is the most important thing!, I'm goin, nah, its not. For me.

9 days. wow. thats for maths and chem. most of the 9 days will go into chem, luckily, i did background work for maths last month n hopefully i'm still ok wit it.

but I'm screwed, and I mean it. I'm not being one of those irritating buggers you encounter in our JC life, who's seekin for attention and comfort by sayin they're screwed, i'm doing so bad, sob sob, etc n end up gettin gd grades and say, no, i'm lucky, i didnt study. bullshit. When I mean i'm screwed, I MEAN IT. When have I ever said I screwed and did well? Anyone can tell me? When i said i was screwed for chem in BT2, I was darn right when I got a F. Same thing for prelims. When I prepared so hard but somehow it went wrong in maths, i said i was screwed, got myself an O.

i'm not lookin for support nor sympathy. but juz merely stating that wat I say, I MEAN it. So dont be surprised if i screw up A's overall.

Whatever it is, it seems like a long long way. but its actually only 4 weeks. amazin. after tt, i'll be having like a 10 month break to do all the thing i've been wanting to do. that drives me on for now.

but right now, all i can think of and say is tt when the first ray of light shines upon this Earth to mark the start of November, well, thats the indication that my war, indeed, has begun.

Final Score from St.James' Park;
Carling Cup Third Round
Newcastle 1
Laurent Robert (65th)

West Bromwich Albion 2
Shola Ameobi (O.G., 29th)
Lee Hughes (101st)

A loss, well, thats somethin after a long long time. I expected this, really. I mean, who fields full strength side in the League Cup? Sir Bobby lied when he said he took the cup seriously, coz he fielded a near reserve side. Well, when you field a reserve side, they fail to shine, thats wat happened last nite. Reports say Newcastle dominated the match, jus tt they couldnt convert. Hellew... thats wat reserves do! Even tho you have Shearer n all in the subs doesnt mean they'll do the work. (for ur info, it seems Shearer has never scored as a substitute during his time in Newcastle. Amazin fact for someone of his calibre)

Well, whatever the case, you expect a loss from a team after a run of 5 consecutive wins. nothing wrong wit tt. i hope they re-organise themselves for the weekend clash wit villa. coz tts gonna prepare them for the big outin wit Chelsea. oh wait, i think we got the UEFA Cup tie against FC Basle before that. dang. ah well. i think we're gonna lose to chelsea anyway, so yea.

since i gotta wake up around 5 to start fasting, i was watchin the mornin telecast of Blackburn and Liverpool n couldnt help but notice. Andy Cole and Dwight Yorke playin up front for the club. ok flash back 3 or 4 years ago. werent they the same partners when Man Utd totally stripped England and Europe in '99 to achieve the treble? I mean Sheringham n Solsjkaer contributed too, but Cole Yorke was the partnership they relied on. how time passes n how things change. now you see those two scramblin for chances n shots in Blackburn. Then you think, almost 8 or 9 years ago, Blackburn was a championship winning team. They bought Shearer n Sutton to form one of the most deadliest partnership ever witnessed in Premiership. I mean 30/20 goals a piece is a big deal. They were then the ancient example of wat Abramovich is doin wit Chelsea, only that for Blackburn's case, it was a hometown boy who injected money into the club to achieve success. but this was almost true success. Wat happened 4 years later? the club got relegated to the first division. wat a fall from grace. Shearer went back to his hometown club, Sutton tried to continue but couldnt n moved on to Celtic. So Blackburn, during their dark age in 1st div, got Souness to tie things up. He brought in Cole as a surprise, Yorke was on free transfer. It worked for a while I guess. But Cole's still the same guy from Man Utd who misses crucial chances.

But now u can claim definately that their partnership existed coz it was Man Utd. Witht their superb midfield n defensive supplies comin in, its impossible for anyone not to score. So it wasnt that Cole and Yorke were good partners. it was coz Man Utd owned a good midfield. See how those two strikers are doin in Blackburn. its nowhere near to wat they used to be.

But again, Blackburn is a gd team too. Too bad they lost two of their most important players, Duff to Chelski, Dunn to Birmingham. Imagine wat would have been if those two had stayed. ultimate. they could easily finish top 5 mate. Blackburn has couple of very good players. juz tt they cant play properly. Barry Ferguson is class, we all know that. Brett Emerton, wait, he was a superb regular for Feyenoord, he has to play, but Souness prefers to play him as a sub. Amoroso, is also a superb guy. If you work everythin right, this could hav been a fantastic squad. but who calls all the shots in the end? the gaf. Graeme Souness. and this team is underperforming.

wats to be done? sack the gaffer. wit all due respect, Souness is a great manager. but if u got all the elements necessary n cant get results out of it, that juz means u suck. so yea, out u go. let blackburn return to its glory days.

wow, did i write all tt? damn.

kk back to SAT II. Writing today. Its a weird subject test, this. worse than verbal in a way, not as difficult in another. lets see how this goes.

SAT II Maths CII is really difficult, at least for me. its like half of the time i dunno wat the hell i'm supposed to do. but bein able to get half of the whole paper correct is considered above average, i found out. damn, this is really like those normal MC students gettin a feel of how an easy FM paper is like, kinda thing. this sucks. n i fear it'll b much much tougher. my initial thought that SAT II was gonna b simple, well, it isnt turnin out tt way. i underestimated.

it seems as if i'm gonna get another set of 600s for the three SAT II paper im takin. wats worse, i dunno how much break there will b in between. i suppose im the only crazy guy takin all three in one day. if its continuous, damn, i'm gonna screw whatever i'm sittin for as the last paper.

ah well.

ppl help me out here. this is wat they asked me in University of California application;
"How have you taken advantage of the educational opportunities you have had to prepare for college?"

i'm left to think, wat the hell is the qtn askin for? or, did SA hav anythin to prepare us? i juz cant think of any. there r three essays i gotta make. of the three, one can be 500 or 600 words. the other two, 200 words. i'm definately doin 200 words on tt one. 600 will be reserved for the second, where they ask me to tell them about my talent, experience, contribution or personal quality i hope to bring into UC. tt, 600 words might not be enough for me. i got a lot of things to brag about. i'm happy when they ask me qtn like tt coz then only i can use my often-weird background tt i got to impress these admission officers.

speakin of which, i'm at an advantaged side of the now infamous affirmative action. its like the total opposite case for singapore. coz of AM, i will get a better shot at gettin into some colleges. y? coz i'm a minority. so they'll look at me closely n see. n i'm a weird case too, so as everyone told me, they might strongly be attracted to my application, nevermind the scores for now. they hav a minimum quota to fill for minorities. whereas in sg, ironically, theres a maximum quota. haha, makes me laugh, really. we all know wat goes on in NUS medicine or law, where theres a limit on malays or indians. how contrastin.

ok, first day of fastin. i had to control my actions, but i'm gettin real lathargic n sleepy. i better go now.

"Don't you know
They're talkin' bout a revolution
It sounds like a whisper
Don't you know
They're talkin' about a revolution
It sounds like a whisper

While they're standing in the welfare lines
Crying at the doorsteps of those armies of salvation
Wasting time in the unemployment lines
Sitting around waiting for a promotion"

now i feel fucked. woke up quite early to eat before fastin starts. couldnt start from day one yesterday coz my mom's alarm decided to stop on the all important first day, running out of batt. so when my mom woke up, she barey had time to eat for herself tt she forgot to wake me up. cant blame her. but i'm startin from today.

last yr i managed to complete the whole 30-31 days for the first time in my life n i was quite proud. i guess i wont b able to do tt this yr. got the A's. u noe wats bad abt fastin? its not bout not bein able to eat. the worst part is u cant even drink water. so it kinda hampers my work coz when i do work or study, i get thirsty real fast. so i gotta try to live around tt. my parents r totally forbiddin me from fastin the day before as well as on the day of exams. they think it'll affect my performance, not tt its gonna b much of a great deal. i think it makes u aware earlier in the day so u think better. non? ah well. but sleepin around 1 n wakin up near 5 really takes the energy outta u. so i went back to sleep at 6 n then woke up at 10. nvm, work still can b done. i'll try to do 4 maths paper today. can b done considerin theres no breakfast nor lunch. heh, its gd in someway.

juz b4 i went to sleep after last nite's entry, i was watchin the old friends on channel 5 n then later on, tt 70's show on starworld. last nite's episode somewhat made me feel better bout my screwed up SAT score. in tt 70's show, the characters were frantic about gettin 1030, 960, 800 n 1230. i totally forgot. majority of american students get 800-900 or somethin. i was caught in my own world of high expectation of singapore, where 1200 seems to b little n all. As they were tellin eachother, scores dont reflect our personality. n wats more i dont have to worry i guess. my score's considered well above average n there, ppl gettin 1200 or more is like a minority. i can still end up in top 50 colleges n work my way up from there. heh, at the end of the episode, i was thinkin, stupid me, this high expectation thing was the very thing i was makin a big issue of all the time n subconsciously i was drawn into it. i guess i hav to thank last nite's episode for makin things a little clearer.

oh shit. i juz realised. fastin means, no playin soccer for one whole month. dang. there goes my only form of excercise.

nvm.

hmmm i guess i havent had the patience to blog for the past few days. heres a recap. after fri nite talkin to junwen, sat was a mild day. rainin first half of day. then there was a birthday party for a girl livin in my estate. she invited me, so i guess it wouldnt b nice to reject tt. prob was tt i was like the only guy in my age group, well, tts if u dont count the birthday girl's sister who i hardly know. i always get the impression tt she's a little stuck up, but i guess its not fair to make tt statement since i dont even know her, let alone see her at all. didnt even know she was 17. she looks like 15, well, i cant speak much for myself as a 19 year old, so wth. so i went down n was practically standin doin nothin for the first hour, juz observin things n all. then they started servin things so i juz ate, not too much, but yea. had pizza after a long long time. first time since i went to US this june. i had gotten so sick of pizzas n sandwiches coz for the first 3 to 4 days of the 'driving', all we were eatin was bread n cheese stuff. mainly pizza n some spanish stuff. i tell ya, i didnt wanna see pizza for the rest of the trip. tt made me worry bt wat i'll b eatin when i go to uni there. hardly any variety in food. i guess tts another thing for another day.

yea, so the rest started playin soccer n all. as i was experiencin some backache after couple of days of heavy excercise, i didnt participate, but juz looked on as everyone played. then we jus sat down n talked. this may seem childish, me wastin time sittin around n talkin to kids quite younger than me, but i remember i used to hang around ppl who were much older than me n doin the things tt i am doin right now. i guess its my turn eh.

it so happened some ppl were lightin up firecrackers n stuff. as they had much more than enough, n there was nothin else to do, we decided to join in n blow up stuff. i re did my orientation 1 fireworks n it seemed much brighter tt day, mayb i was so close to it n it wasnt done in a cylinder. we had lotsa fun but the pain in the ass was the cleanin up. there were small stuff everywhere. tt took another long long time to clear up. n i guess i redeemed myself after the previous day's fracas by bein responsible n intuitive about gettin the mess cleared up n helpin the adults put back stuff n all. k bad record's clear for now. somehow or other i felt like i was back doin council stuff again. clearin up, cleanin up, makin sure everythin was in order, etc.

but i guess all these incidents over the festive weekend made me realise certain things n really made my feel settled down for serious studyin for the comin weeks. i'm pretty much back to the way i usually am for now. well, the next month may seem like the longest, it'll b over b4 i know it. n i'll b goin around partyin over various location n enjoyin myself.

cant wait.

finally i'm done with SAT II physics prep. should do ok i guess. their type of qtn is similar yet in different format from the A Levels syllabus. they still hav lenses n stuff which i have totally forgotten. SAT II is more technical n basic rather than in depth. i first was amazed as to how to answer 75 qtns in 1 hr, but now tt i got hang of it, i can finish most in about 40 mins. its straight forward most of the time.

its the opposite case for Maths CII however. i think u need to b FM student to be takin this cos some requires u to be familiar with graphic calculators n stuff. i can hardly answer like 70 or 60 percent of the qtns. their qtns, i'm not really familiar with. ah well, since most schools require me to take this for engineerin, so be it. i think i can juz secure 600 or so for it even tho i do it quite badly. (in some yrs, 42 outta 50 would net u 800)

gonna start my first writing test tomorrow, tt's gonna b a worry coz theres an essay section. tho its only for 6 mks, it could make a diff.

did more of application stuff. almost close to completin Carnegie Mellon, UCB, UCLA, UCSD stuff, jus essays left. i'm supposed to explain y i chose my field (comp engin or elect engin) n blah blah blah. got few more days to tie those up.

yea, been quite a productive day alrite.

i guess i should b happy.

argh...

admin work sucks.

just sent one college application in last nite, to Marquette University. Application was free. n its application was rather simpler than the rest, so i just completed it n submitted.

now i'm finishin up the ones for Carnegie Mellon, University of California - Berkeley, Los Angeles and San Diego.

Those I'll have to submit by the next two or three weeks.

Coz I screwed up in verbals, I have to re-do my college list. I think UPenn and USC will be striked out. Actually Cornell too, but you gotta give one shot at one of the big schools, just in case. I think I'll now apply to Georgia Institute of Technology, Purdue University - West Lafayette, University of Wisconsin - Madison, Pennsylvania State University - University Park and maybe Renssaeler Polytechnic Institute. These are schools that are not ranked well overall but seem to have better program than big name ones in the field of Engineering. Promising, at a lower cost than some of the others.

Okay, gotta get back to my SAT II prep...

Final score from St.James' Park;
Newcastle 3
Speed (17th)
Shearer (27th pen)
Ameobi (61st)

Portsmouth 0

Okie, I hope this streak is enough to convince everyone that superstition does work in world of football. 5 wins in a row. using wat we learned from statistics, the probability of that happening as fair independant matches are one third to the power of five. but it has happened. If you discount the UEFA Cup matches, then there's still the League Cup match against WBA n the EPL match against Aston Villa next week. but I'm pretty sure they'll sail through. (Not exactly sure bt league cup tho, Newcastle seem to hav pretty bad record in the competition.)

"But you can say baby
Baby can I hold you tonight
Maybe if I told you the right words
At the right time you'd be mine"

alrite... before u go "ew walid, thats a boyzone song! so gay!" lemme tell y'all something. that song was a cover. it was originally written n sung by Tracy Chapman, who ive been listenin to endlessly for the past few days.

havent been bloggin for a long long time. had been havin some time to think by myself n after talkin to Junwen last nite, everything's pretty clear to me, i guess.

havent exactly been having a great time. Paulina left for her exchange programme to Melbourne yesterday, then she'll go back to Jakarta for the holidays, so I wont see her til January at the earliest. That hurts me a lot considerin we're somewhat in contact with eachother through one way or another almost everyday. To me, its like we've grown so close to eachother in terms of everything n suddenly theres this gap while we are away, doing our own thing n I already feel this big gap in my life right now. I hope she has a great time in Melbourne n subsequently enjoy the long break that she badly needs after a year of hard work. but i'll be missing her a lot while she's gone.

Another problem was that I screwed up my SAT that I had taken earlier in the month, gettin 490 for Verbals! I mean, what the fuck is that man. I improved slightly in maths but because of the big drop in verbals, my overall is down by 30 to 1160. I was very pissed. I mean how could you not be? Theres this huge gap between two subjects and I cant do anythin bout it now but accept it.

Then there was this parents vs kids soccer match for Deepavali celebration at my estate. The previous two incidents obviously not helping, my temper juz gave away when I observed that obvious handballs were not given, throw ins not given properly by linesman who know the rules n worst was when i took a shot, the keeper fumbled it, then i went out, should be a corner yea? nope, it was supposedly 'over-ruled' and then they scored. I got so pissed I juz started arguin with the parents over the fiasco. the 'usual' me would hav juz played on n play sportingly. but yea, due to happenings, i flared up. in front of everyone. i regret deeply for my actions. i mean, me, as a 19 year old should know better. i should b the mature one, makin sure everythin is ok, preventin anythin from goin wrong n i juz cant help but sigh at my own actions for showin immaturity n reckless behavior. but i still stick to y i got angry. i mean, these r fundamental rules of soccer, if they're not followed, i juz cant play. rules r there to b obeyed, if not, wat r rules for? so i kinda told everyone off that I'll be a refree and show everyone wat was rules. i guess its scant consolation that i kinda proved my point ultimately that instead of bein biased, i was very fair to both sides. some of the dads were passin off remarks behind my back whether i was happy when the kids team was leadin, but they kinda shut up when i denied the kids team certain penalties n throw ins n the parents eventually won. the better ones of the parents told me that they were impressed that i was being very fair, but i juz couldnt help but feel that they were somehow tryin to make me feel better due to the earlier meelee. but damage done, i wish i could apologize infront of everyone at the dinner party later.

yea, everythin was goin wrong. but then, our Army Boy, Junwen made it all better for me. He's such a wonderful person to talk n listen to. He made me erase all my shit n i feel so much better. i juz told him wat was goin on n wat was wrong, etc n he relates to himself as well as his own opinion n gave me a whole new perspective that i wouldnt see by my ownself.

as for SAT, well, its still possible for me to go to a decent Uni. from there, i'll juz hav to work doubly hard. i mean by goin through JC, we hav effectively learnt the art of proper independant studyin. i know how its supposed to be done n tho i didnt excercise em properly for the A's, i've learnt it the hard way n i'll definately use it properly when i go to Uni. somehow, i'm confident i'll make it there. mayb this is a blessin in disguise. tho i might hav screwed my A's, this will make me work harder. this score might send me to lower ranked Unis, but from there, it should be that i hav higher chance of succeeding, then if i make sure i do well, then by second yr, i'll transfer to an Ivy league school, which should b easier to get in through transfer than to get in as freshman. so fingers crossed, hope that works well. I mean ive got nothing to lose. Even if i end up in University of Texas, or Illionois or Massachusetts, its still a new experience for me, new things, new people, new environment. But part of me wants to go to these public schools n then to private college. so i'm gonna do it.

there r some more things that we discussed but i'm not gonna put those coz its rather private, somethin i wouldnt feel too comfortable thinkin tt people might read on my blog. so sorry but these r issues tt can only be discussed between close friends.

but i feel so much better. by any chance, it should spur me on to study more for the A's. still havent got down to proper studyin as of yet.

"You got a fast car
I want a ticket to anywhere
Maybe we make a deal
Maybe together we can get somewhere
Anyplace is better
Starting from zero got nothing to lose
Maybe we'll make something
But me myself I got nothing to prove

You got a fast car
And I got a plan to get us out of here
I been working at the convenience store
Managed to save just a little bit of money
We won't have to drive too far
Just 'cross the border and into the city
You and I can both get jobs
And finally see what it means to be living

You see me old man's got a problem
He live with the bottle that's the way it is
He sayshis body's too old for working
I say his body's too young to look like his
My mama went off and left him
She wanted more from life than he could give
I said somebody's got to take care of him
So I quit school and that's what I did

You got a fast car
But is it fast enough so we can fly away
We gotta make a decision
We leave tonight or live and die this way

I remember we were driving driving in your car
The speed so fast I felt like I was drunk
City lights lay out before us
And your arm felt nice wrapped 'round my shoulder
And I had a feeling that I belonged
And I had feeling I could be someone , be someone ,
Be someone

You got a fast car
And we go cruising to entertain ourselves
You still ain't got a job
And I work in a market as a checkout girl
I know things will get better
You'll find work and I'll get promoted
We'll move out of the shelter
Buy a big house and live in the suburbs

I remember we were driving driving in your car
The speed so fast I felt like I was drunk
City lights lay out before us
And your arm felt nice wrapped 'round my shoulder
And I had a feeling that I belonged
And I had feeling I could be someone , be someone ,
Be someone

You got a fast car
And I got a job that pays all our bills
You stay out drinking late at the bar
See more of your friends than you do of your kids
I'd always hoped for better
Thought maybe together you and me would find it
I got no plans I ain't going nowhere
So take your fast car and keep on driving

I remember we were driving driving in your car
The speed so fast I felt like I was drunk
City lights lay out before us
And your arm felt nice wrapped 'round my shoulder
And I had a feeling that I belonged
And I had feeling I could be someone , be someone ,
Be someone

You got a fast car
But is it fast enough so you can fly away
You gotta make a decision
You leave tonight or live and die this way"

"I've been searching for you
I heard a cry within my soul
I never had a yearning quite like this before
Now that you are walking right through my door

All of my life
Where have you been
I wonder if I'll ever see you again
And if that day comes
I know we could win
I wonder if I'll ever see you again

A sacred gift of heaven
For better worse wherever
And I would never let somebody break you down
Or take your crown, never

All of my life
Where have you been
I wonder if I'll ever see you again
And if that day comes
I know we could win
I wonder if I'll ever see you again

I've searched through time, I've always known
That you where there, upon your throne
A lonely queen, without her king
I've longed for you, my love forever

All of my life
Where have you been
I wonder if I'll ever see you again
And if that day comes
I know we could win
I wonder if I'll ever see you again"

if u guys have the time in the midst of crazy studyin, listen to these few songs;

Red Hot Chilli Peppers - Under The Bridge
Chayanne - Y Tu Te Vas
Juanes feat Nelly Furtado - Fotografia
Goo Goo Dolls - Don't Change (Acoustic)
Tracy Chapman - Talkin' Bout A Revolution

would lift u guys up for a while.

"And I had a feeling that I belonged.
And I had feeling I could be someone,
Be someone,
Be someone."

I was basically listening to Tracy Chapman most the of the day. Whats going on in my mind is too complex to compose into words. I shouldnt talk about the happenings of today. Its too private n sensitive issue. But those words by Tracy Chapman in "Fast Car" probably sums up what I'm feeling today.

And I feel a sense of Deja Vu right this moment as I'm typing this.

Final Score from Loftus Road;
Fulham 2
Lee Clark (5th)
Louis Saha (7th)

Newcastle 3
Laurent Robert (15th)
Alan Shearer (50th pen, 55th)

*note* all scorers hav played for Newcastle. no, i dont mean the two goals by Fulham were own goals. Lee Clarke's Keegan Era player, Louis Saha got introduced to English football when on loan at Newcastle. other ex-toon player was Alain Goma.

Stunning. absolutely stunning. had this been the Newcastle in earlier season, then after gettin knocked 2-0 down by the 7th min, they would hav gone on to lose 5-0. but tt was not to be. War Al brought us back up with his inevitable influence. simply delightful.

so tt brings us to 10th in the table. juz in the middle. i guess i can say now tt our season has begun. its quite late this season, we would hav picked up by early october by previous seasons. ah well, who cares, we're back on track.

n by the way, those two goals by Sheater brings him back as joint top scorer so far in the Barclays Premiership, and now he's the second all-time top scorer in Newcastle History at 154 goals. *thumbs up* He needs to chalk up another 46 to make him the joint top ever scorer at 200. he still has two years or so dont he? its possible, its possible. as the club mag says, keep the faith.

Denise, u lookin at this? 4 wins in a row. n possibly two more 'should' follow tho Portsmouth this weekend is a bogey team to be reckoned with. i mean, they beat Liverpool, gotta be something.

"If I ruled the world and everything in it, sky's the limit
I push a Q - 45 Infinit
It wouldn't be no such thing as jealousies or B Felonies
Strictly living longevity to the destiny
I thought I'd never see but reality struck
Better find out before your time's out, what the fuck??"

darn it.

my confidence suddenly drops. y? on a paper tt was so bloody easy, i slipped.

phy prac was way too easy. i did the capacitor qtn first. i actually flipped back n checked the number of pages coz most of my stuff was complete by 30 mins. n i had the other half of the hr to go. i mean u couldnt ask for anythin simpler. the oscillation was a little irritatin coz i encountered couple of instances where the wood were not positioned correctly n the cylinder didnt roll straight, actually didnt matter but didnt feel rite bt it. n wats more as the oscillation continued, the period seemed to go shorter, requirin us to pay more attention. i had to abandon the stopwatch couple of times n start over again coz i had lost count as it was too fast. as tt happened more, i grew frustrated. so the timing was off in many cases, i'm led to believe. so when there's a tiny error, usually it doesnt make a diff. but when u log it. ah. tt's when u see how big a tiny reaction error will cost u. combination of my frustration n impatience led the first graph to look like some weird graph. i was quite pissed then. so it didnt help when i calculated later on the constants, which not surprisingly came out very weird. n these kinda things, u know its wrong. same thing happened wit the calculations part for the second exp. i got some weird answer i didnt hav any other way to mend. only later did i find out the error. i was lookin at x all the time. so much so it totally slipped my mind tt -kn was the gradient n x co-ordinate. i felt like pullin head apart when i realised after the practical. i failed to see the obvious!

this is one practical, under normal condition of sch life, i probably would hav scored full, if not very very close to full marks.
but A level condition got the better of me. time tickin down, frustration n my irritability. i obviously was quite pissed at myself for fumblin at such crucial stage.

as my classmate Jonathan reflected later on, i totally agreed with him. i rather have made this mistake in prelims than in the actual A Levels. but theres comfort in knowin tt those components make up very little of the whole practical. if juz excludin those, i'll still manage to get decent marks for the practical. but tiny slips like tt can acccumulate to bring u down quite harshly.

if i was supposed to get A or B overall for phy n ended up gettin a C or somethin. then i think i know why.

DISASTER!!

Craig Bellamy's out for 4 months with a knee injury!!!

ARGH!!!

hmmm... was quite productive after a long long time. this feels gd. i should hav been doin this from two wks ago, juz couldnt settle down to it. played my music loud n got down to doin maths.

tho wat i was doin wasnt hard stuff, its gd enough tt i'm doin solid work. did the simplest of simplest ones like functions, inequalities, partial fractions, logarithms, binomial expansion, A.P/G.P/Summation, later on curve sketchin, integration of volume/area, probability n all. this is gd. should get down to trigo stuff after phy prac tomorrow.

while listenin to music, realised i havent bought some solid CDs in a long long time. ive got lotsa albums but once few are 'complete', meanin almost every song is gd. usually it ends up bein like 4 or 5 songs r gd only. or its like u enjoy every one of the songs in the albums. very few have impressed me. but those i deem complete in my collection are;

MTV Unplugged - Maxwell
MTV Unplugeed - Shakira (Spanish songs)
D'Angelo - Voodoo
Goo Goo Dolls - Dizzy Up The Girl
Goo Goo Dolls - What I Learnt About Ego, Opinion, Arts and Commerce
Eric Benet - A Day in The Life of
R. Kelly - R.
Norah Jones - Come Away With Me

Yea... been wanting to get the actual albums by Alicia Keys, 50 Cent, Justin Timberlake, Vanessa Carlton, Lauryn Hill MTV Unplugged Volume 2.0, Shania Twain, Sean Paul n a whole lot of others for sometime. never actually got down to buyin em. Music's great for maths. helps process ur mind faster, for me at least.

Friendster is amazin. its like, if i'm not studyin, then i'm on friendster. it has reconnected wit me wit those i lost touch wit. those sec sch classmates, long distance ppl i know n all. its like u can click forever. but coz i gotta wait till i get authorisation from already existin waiting list, i cant progress as fast as i wish. but its rather amazin to think how many ppl we know. i'm fast approachin 100 n it seems like i still hav a whole lot of ppl i need to add. when u actually stop to think n recall the names of these ppl, u cant seem to count to 100, but through this, it actually shows. whoever enginered this into reality should b given some award or somethin.

kk friends starting.

Sports update - West Ham drew Burley 2-2, A.C. Fiorentina beats Hellas Verona 2-0, New England Patriots beats Miami Dolphins 19-13, Boston Bruins beats Mighty Ducks of Anaheim 4-3 in OT.

woke up today feelin like i had purpose and goal. this is gd start to the wk. this is wat i needed to drive me to study. mayb its coz of yesterday. i kinda set my mind on where i wanted to go for Uni, wat i wanted to major in, knew wat was expected n stuff. mayb the path is now clear. tt paves way for me to do wat i'm supposed to do for now. amazin feelin. alrite, so gonna do a lot of maths today. got the tuition later on to clarify the bits i dont understand.

tomorrow's phy prac. im not worried like i was for chem prac, coz phy prac is way too simple. even if u record wrongly, so long as u write down wat u read from ur exp, u can pass. its a given full mark. first hurdle for me to salvage at least one A in my A's. might b a little too late to hav started serious studyin. i tot it was only me. turns out everyone's goin out n takin break time to time. so we're all kinda same. tt comes as a big relief to know i wasnt the only one.

everythin's lookin all gd for now.

this is bad. i finally tot i had got down to studin properly when i started doin SAT II Maths CII prep yesterday (its harder than i expect btw) but nope. didnt manage to get myself down to study yet again. finally managed to compile another CD to accompany me through the night. songs from 112, Lauryn Hill, TLC n R.Kelly n others. but didnt turn out as gd as i expected. first half is like those rock bands' softer music. like under the bridge by RHCP, iris by goo goo dolls, everything by lifehouse, etc. but it juz doesnt hav the same feel. second half is like all those mellow rnb sounds. i think i'll go edit somemore. i'm not entirely comfortable wit it. or mayb i'm comparin too much to its senior. the first chill out CD i made was a big success. i brought it along wit me when i went to US this june n it provided everyone wit nice ambience through hours n hours of driving. tt CD is it. it had all the elements necessary n i still can listen to it over n over. yea, i'll remove the soft rock tracks n add more softer music. but wat am i gonna add.

didnt get to meet Junwen. hes too tired n juz wanna sleep. i guess i cant say anythin. NS is physically tirin n he needs all the rest. its ok, i can still see him next wk.

did some more application stuff for Carnegie Mellon University n University of California - Berkeley as well as Los Angeles. These two gotta send by nov. hope my Carnegie Mellon one goes well. afterall, its on Early Decision. if its successful, will rid me of all the work i have to do in December/January.

i think i finally decided wat i wanna do. It's either Computer Science or Engineering. either chemical/computer/electrical/mechanical. i guess i got time to decide. but its so similar yet so different. then most prob do MBA after tt. hmm... ive got most of the stuff set. juz matter of where. hmm... next 6 or 7 yrs all set for me. kinda scary too. read on the web tt in US, average elec or comp engin's startin salary is like average US$50,000. tt's not bad. quite gd actually. but whether i'll manage to get tt kinda sum in US is another matter. ah well. salary shouldnt drive interest n goals for now. juz gotta do wat i'll b ok wit. salary's thinkin too far ahead.

Final Score from The Riverside Stadium;
Middlesbrough 0

Newcastle 1
Ameobi (20th)

Hmm.. we jumped all the way from 18th to 11th at this moment. Final position for the week depends on couple of matches tomorrow.

Denise... its been 3 straight wins since I put my own good charm poster. Superstition? I think not.

damn it... newcastle now faces FC Basle in UEFA Cup 2nd Round.. tough oppenent. last yr's champs league bogey team tt knocked celtic out.

"Will you, Will you love me tomorrow?
So Will You, Will you stay with me today?
Will you, Will you be here tomorrow?
So Will You, you remember yesterday?"

tts a new single by P.O.D.. They're releasin a new album soon. i'm not exactly a fan of their's. but my brother told me about this song so i thought i give it a try. its an ok song, not great. but i juz like the last part of the song where the lead singer juz keeps screamin 'will you, will you' over n over again wif all the rock noise. makes me feel gd hearin stuff like tt.

i'm in a v reflective/philosophical type of mood today. i feel like raisin couple of issues tt's been goin around in my head for the past few days. whether i'll actually get to type all those thoughts down is questionable. if i can hav the patience to type everythin then only would tt b possible. i guess i'll try my best. sometimes things juz slips outta my head n i forget abt it. if tt doesnt happen n if i can type everythin, then this is gonna b one long entry. could b one of the longest i'll ever blogged. hey, i said i feel v reflective rite.

k. one.

wat the fuck am i doin wit life. its so boring. its almost as if i'm waitin for the A's to end officially so tt i can go off globe trottin n discover a new side to life. i'm supposed to b studyin, somethin i cant really get myself goin at. i wake up every mornin, watch the baseball playoffs, then i try to study. doesnt last more than 2 hrs. then i'll b on the pc, bloggin like now or lookin for new contacts in friendster. used to juz surf for soccer stuff n music. then, i'll feel lathargic so i'll go to sleep. wake up, shower n try to study again. its been like tt. theres no inspiration. theres no motive. theres no goal. wait, goal, there is. to get gd grades so tt i can go to uni/take the course i want/my my friends family proud/it sets ur future. RIGHT. who r we tryin to bullshit? i dun need the A's. the only reason y i considered doin A's is not to take the A Levels, but my first yr would b smooth in US. See, I was thinkin one step ahead. takin the As n doin well wasnt part of my plans. but i've got no choice now do i? i was supposed to leave after O's. i decided, since JC is so extensive, it might b gd if i juz learn the syllabus n leave before prelims. tt meant tt i was supposed to go to Uni this Sept. tt didnt happen. y? coz i decided to stay. y oh y. now i'm wonderin y. y didnt i juz send the fuckin application wherever university it might hav been? shit, wit the minimal A level syllabus i know, i could've breezed past freshman yr, or mayb i couldve gone straight to sophomore yr! wat the fuck did i do. supposedly its imp. not to me! all i need is my bloody SAT n i'm there! shit, i dont think i even need my As at all! so y am i so bothered? argh, 3/4 wks to the bloody A's n i'm not studyin properly. y, y, y. i'm havin headaches, maybe tt's y i cant sit n study for long long hrs. its quite sad if u think abt it. i read in the SAT study bk, tt for most american high sch students, SAT is the first time they're sittin for a 3 hr paper. i'm like wat the fuck. in sg, tt's unthinkable. we're like sittin for exams term in term out n these guys definately got it easy man! i'd rather b in their shoes, wit minimal SAT prep, while they can enjoy sch life, n take the test n go to uni. here, we're workin hard for it! we're like dedicatin few months of our sch lives juz to sit n do well for the god darn exams! its kinda sad to think tt ppl get As not coz they're smart, but coz they work sooo hard for it. theres like a distinction between the two. it shouldnt b tt way. ppl who r smart should get As. i'm not sayin i'm smart. but its difficult to understand y we work so hard for so little. sure, get grades, go to u, gd job, gd pay. but wats it worth in sg? wat can u really do? the most u can expect is a nice car, nice house. wat else can u do in sg? inversely, tt's wat we all work so hard to achieve. we're never happy wit wat we want, y b so competitive when the prize is so minute? it makes me shudder to imagine tt.

talkin bt tt brings me to second issue. ive been bumpin into ppl from my sec sch be it in real life or online quite frequently these few months. n it makes me laugh when i find out tt they actually think i'm still the same. they actually think i'm flyin high in JC as well. i'm like, HAHA. tts so not true. i dunno if i was perceived as smart in Queensway, but its a whole different story in SA or any other JC. its a different world that they havent seen. if they tot i was smart, well, almost the whole sch's made of ppl who r naturally smarter than me. i might hav been one of the top in QSS, but in SA, i'm one of the bottom few, i'm confident of tt. its a diff world totally. all these ppl i knew come up to me n ask me the same old qtn. "u doin triple science? how's ur prelims? all A's rite? not surprising!' i'm like... hello... its not QSS anymore. if u tot it was the same, then u guys r so wrong. i wonder y ppl expect tt out of me. noone does the same everywhere. when we go to new places, things change. i can definately say tt i'm a whole lot of different person than i used to b. i'm more easy goin, playful, heck-care, less hard workin, liberal, etc. ive changed a lot, probably in these ppl's eyes. juz tt they've not seen me for sometime. ppl ppl, if u tot tt QSS was it, well u better know, even if ure not from QSS, that life after sec sch's so different. i used to think QSS was it. but once i entered SA, i discovered a whole new world i didnt know existed! diff ppl, diff system, diff everythin. i dont mean any insult at all, but come on, did u seriously think i would hav it easy? it might hav been quite easy for me back in QSS, but not anymore. in fact, its so diff, i dunno wat to say anymore. its juz tt these ppl hasnt seen wat i've seen. if only they had seen it would they know how much diff a place can b. if i tell em tt i'm actually failin tests n exams, studyin for it but still failin, skippin lectures, not doin homework, goin out while i'm supposed to do work, etc, i gues these ppl wouldnt believe me. well, tt's me now. tt's wat i do. wanna know more? i dun seem to b bothered when i fail anymore. i was lookin through my academic records, n realised, I was always in the top 25% for physics these two yrs, whereas the rest of the subjects, GP, chemistry n maths, i've been goin up n down, but most of the time down. ppl like me, who study to get ideas n concepts, n not study study juz to answer qtns, seem to b the kind of ppl tt will find it tough in JC. u hear ppl sayin all the time, o, tt guy/girl always does well in sec sch, y is he/she doin so badly now? i tot he/she was smart?' well, i guess they belong to the same category as me. minimal studyin, quite gd output. we absorb quite a lot but juz tt things we do now require comprehensive knowledge, things u need to b doin every single day, day in, day out, knowin things inside out. i'm juz not like tt. n i wont b. mayb i hav no choice for the next 2 mths, i dunno.

third issue of the day... hmm.. wat was it. see, i forgot some stuff i wanted to mention already. hmm. o yeah, i went to the mosque today n this little thing always pisses me off. y is it tt ppl tend to consider a muslim straightaway as malay? i mean, this bloody country emphasizes so much on religious n racial harmony i tot the citizen here should b more clear than anyone else regardin the difference between the two. cant they see that being a muslim is not being a malay? i get quite offended coz no matter how screwed up i might be, i'm quite proud of wat i am. so when i tell ppl tt i'm a muslim n the others regard it as me being malay, i get very pissed. then how about those arabs? they're muslim. but they dont look anythin like malay do they? in fact, they look more caucasian than anythin else. y is it, juz coz i might look like one means i am one? i tot everyone should get it clear by now tt muslim is a religion, malay is a race. i dunno how those two can b intertwined. its so simple logic. y is it then tt in sg, u say u're a christian n it doesnt mean chinese? yea, of cuz there r indian christians, but arent there indian muslims too? its juz so dumb to come to a conclusion like tt.

four. i guess ppl hasnt really seen my darker side yet. i mean, i hardly lose my cool. there r times where i get so easily irritated, one thin n i can blow off. my temper is usually subtle, if not, under control. but at times, i could juz scream the hell out of a person. not many of my friends know this side of me i guess. even if they did, i guess they havent seen well enough. sometimes i rack up so much anger n violence inside of me, i could really scare the hell out of someone. most of the time i bend it away by kickin harder on a soccer ball, or juz blast the headphones wit some real heavy metal music. but there r times i take it out on a person. really. once i think i almost took a kid's head off coz i was so mad n i kicked so hard at the ball i wasnt carin where it was flyin off to. once someone deliberately took the ball off me when it was supposed to b a free kick i juz shouted at the person so loud. once someone tried to hit my face or somethin i grabbed the person n threw him on the ground. i do hav dark past. who doesnt? its juz whether we wanna admit em or not. i do hav pasts i rather not share coz i'm ashamed of em. noone's squeaky clean. i did stuff tt not many would expect me to hav done. but ah well, i was quite small then. i prob didnt know wat i was thinkin. funny how when ure a kid it could all b forgiven, but if u do em at this age, its not gd. ys tt. i wonder.

k i meant to type much much more provocative discussion but i'm feelin tired n nothin's comin to my head or i dun wanna type nomore.. this is wat i mean. ive got an idea, but while in the course of writin it down or doin somethin bt it, it slips outta my mind. mayb if i think of it next time i wont forget to type em down. juz a preview. it was somethin to do wit how ppl perceive things if someone famous/known has somethin to do wit it, how ppl does certain actions tts supposed to attract our attention n we're expected to do somethin abt it, in a way tt u're expected to behave, etc. i dunno. but this has been long enough n i dun wanna bore u guys anymore. if u guys actually bothered to read this far, tt is.

Red Sox lost... sigh... by a homer in the bottom of the 11th. Yanks r juz unbeatable in the AL. Most probably they'll win the World Series. I mean, Red Sox-Yankees rivalry is so intense n both teams are so good, the ALCS should have been the World Series instead. Look at their bullpen, fantastic pitchers, class hitters, everything about the two team is world class. its juz so happens that both teams happen to be from the same league, same division that has only one berth up for grabs for direct qualifications to LS, one has to battle against other teams for the wild card. it just so happens that Red Sox are always overshadowed by Yankees for that one berth. If not, Red Sox would be as great as the Yankees. Sigh. this is depressing. after such a showdown, after such excellent series, its down to one homer.

this isnt gd for me, not gd at all. newcastle better beat boro comprehensively n i better b entertained gd by arsenal chelsea match.

rainin so much past few days. n i gotta go to mosque under such condition.

bloody hell.

"No
Hear me out now
You're gonna listen to me
Like it or not
Right now!
I can't feel
Don't turn your back on me
I won't be ignored!!!"

I'm feelin like one of those guys screamin at the top of their lungs. I feel like screamin out too. Suddenly started listenin to heavy, real heavy stuff today. I was like looking through my playlist, took away those i didnt wanna listen n in the end, saw these few artists.
3rd Strike
Audioslave
Blindspott
Cheville
Evanescence
Limp Bizkit
Linkin Park
Metallica
Nirvana
Puddle of Mudd
Rage Against The Machine
Sevendust
Soulfly
Staind

n a few more i cant remember. woohoo. i was blastin the speakers boy. blastin my ears too. somehow the screams of Zach de la Rocha, Chris Cornell, Fred Durst n the others made me feel gd. juz hearin em scream is some form of a theraphy for me, i feel. things like 'you got a bullet in your fucking head', 'i'm gonna eat you alive!!', 'Now I know!', 'why!' n stuff is like a drug. haha, i'm nuts. muz b coz of the maths. my headache continued today. so i tried my best to supress it n do work. didnt work tt well today tho. gonna do much better job of it tomorrow.

unbelievable morning. Florida came back from behind, yet again, to claim the NLCS. amazin stuff. Cubs tot they had it. but i guess their curse continues. tomorrow might b a special day for me. its Red Sox vs Yankees in Game 7. ALCS hasnt got tt far tt often. but if Boston nicks it, we're lookin at World Series since 87. man man tomorrow mornin's gonna b cool stuff.

Newcastle won 1-0 wit an under-strengthed squad. so we're through to second round. tt's gd. got a north east derby to worry bt now.

u muz b thinkin y sports now? well, besides studyin, its the only thing tt keeps me goin n alive. studyin kills me. this is juz an antidote.

speakin of sports, we hav a mouth waterin match this wkend. top of the table clash. arsenal vs chelski. how cool is tt. talent vs talent. gd vs gd. rich vs ermm... sorry. haha. time to see wat the russian can put into a team. n this is a london derby too so we're gonna see some rivalry.

o yea, a friend of mine sent me invitation to start friendster. i heard of it b4 but never actually got to sign up n use it. i'm doin it now. surprising how many ppl u can come across. mostly council members but from there, i'm branchin out. got couple more. but i'm still not used to the thing so kinda findin hard to add ppl even tho i know who they r but coz i dunno their full name or email add, i cant add em in. MAddie!!! add me! my name's simple, Walid Neaz. i cant seem to get u! as i was clickin by, i bumped into my ex-crush. my first attempt in bgr, or watever. yet to get authorisation, but gonna b cool. havent talked to her in a long time. yea, now i get it y ppl say this is addictive. only prob is tt it can b slow even tho u're usin cable. argh, n the occasional we cant find page thing. hurry up dawg!

since the MLB play offs r on every mornin, i make it a pt to watch it after my daily ritual of eatin breakfast n readin the papers b4 i hit the bks to study. but the events tt unfolded on the screen today was very unusual indeed.

wat happened? well, today they were showin the National League Championship Series, in short, NLCS. Whoever wins this best-of-7 series goes on to play in the World Series, arguably the top baseball competition in the world. (Other team comes from the American League Championship Series which is still being contested between my beloved Boston Red Sox n the arch enemy New York Yankees) So Chicago Cubs and the Florida Marlins, with the Cubs almost assured of goin to the play offs after a 58 year absence. They were up 3-0 at the top of 8th inning. Everythin was in order, everythin was set. all they needed was five more outs n they could party. but no... some weird thing happened. There was this fly ball tt the left fielder could catch. so he went for it. by the rules, whether it goes in the stands or not, if the player catches the ball, the batter's out. so the fielder naturally went for the ball. it was gonna b a little high up, but he decided to jump over the wall n stretch to get it. as i was watchin, i knew tt he was gonna get it. then, at the last split second, their 'own' fan stretched his own eager hand out, blockin the fielder's gloves from catchin the fly ball n effectively boucin the ball into the spectator's area. the fielder got down to the ground, n u could imagine his reaction. wat the heck! i was gonna get the ball, y did u do tt! i mean if the fan was a fan of the opposin team, i'd understand y he wanna do tt. but this was a Cubs fan. if he had let the fielder take it, it would've been another out closer to the world series. takin in consideration how important this match is to the whole city, i'm really wonderin wat the fan was thinkin when he stretched his hand for the ball. i mean, 58 yrs! first time! ur own team! mayb he didnt see the fielder comin coz the stand was quite high. ppl who go watch baseball does anythin to get a baseball from a game. i mean they giv out so many of em. so many balls go out on strike n ppl juz catches them n keep it. hell, clubs now employ ppl at the sidelines so tt if balls come towards em, which happens quite frequently, they take it n pass it to fans who r sittin near the stand. but today everythin went wrong from there. the whoe, Cubs team suddenly changed. fans around the culprit was enraged, throwin beer bottles n other stuff at him. security came to escort him out. hope he didnt get attacked on the way. after tt, one simple ball wasnt caught completely, which the Marlins took full advantage of, n the bases were loaded. wat happened after tt, u wouldnt believe. couple of gd hits, n tt continued. they scored 8 runs in tt inning. 8 runs! it was a NLCS record. in the end, Marlins won the match 8-3, forcin game 7, which can go either way for one of em to reach the World Series.

y, y, y. y would he wanna jeopardize his team like tt. i was like, oh my goodness. he might hav caused the Cubs to miss out on yet another world series berth! if tts the case, he'll feel guilty for the rest of his life! it was a match, if u had seen from the beginning, sure to b won by Cubs. was so easy. but juz coz of tt incident n one mis catch, everythin fell apart. i guess this is when u can see who's the gd team n who's not. gd team is the one tt doesnt giv up, capitalises heavily when the enemy's concentration gives away n takes full advantage of it. bad team, thinks they had the game, played too leniently. but i guess they couldnt see tt.

Sigh. wat a tragedy. talkin bt sports, Newcastle will b playin their UEFA Cup First Round 2nd Leg match against NAC Breda in Holland tonight. They won the first leg 5-0 so its highlu unprobable tt they will go out of the cup. but seein wat happened today, i'm not lettin em take any chances if they think tt their path is secured. my good omen poster fell off after tt match against the Saints, n I've bought stronger tapes to re enforce the stickin power. I'll make sure it sticks n wont fall at all. got a North East Derby this weekend too so gotta make sure everythin's ok. Hopin for gd results even tho we're virtually assured of goin through tonight. Wit the league bein so bad, UEFA Cup's probably the only gd shot at winnin anythin at all.

did a lot of stats today. my head feels v heavy even tho i hav very short hair. started noticin signs of flu. mayb tt's it. not the maths. i'm startin to hav headaches. mayb its too much sittin down n juz writin n thinkin. i should do somethin else.

got myself a new calculator coz the one i've been usin for almost 6 yrs started to giv weird results. i think its my fingers but its been quite evident in the past few sessions of tuition tt its not functionin correctly. sometimes i get one answer n sometimes i get different answer. its not as sensitive anymore. sometimes i press 5 n it doesnt show up. i gotta press couple of times b4 i key it in. but this new one is cool. i actually saw it wif my classmate, Jonathan. i was quite impressed wif its slimness n ease of computin, i got the exact model. but wat i found out later, more cool. it actually has in its memory all the physics constants! it has like 30 constants all memorised. things like gravity to the 8 significant figure, mass of electron, mass of proton, Planck's constant, Avogadro's contant n a whole lot of others to a very accurate value. so cool! n on the piece of cardboard or some sort, its SI Units r written down to help see wat constants are stored in which value. i gotta find out b4 i use it whether this model is allowed to b used in the A Levels or not since its kinda assistin me. they might take away the small piece of note coz the SI Units r written. we're supposed to know em n not see em. also, this calculator can convert inches to cm, feet to m, pounds to kg, vice varsa n stuff. so cool. this is like the ultimate calculator. i never got so excited over functions of calculator b4 but this is amazin considerin how much it can help u. i've not used a graphic calculator yet but when i use it in uni, i think i'll b more impressed. but tt's for equations n graphs only i suppose. Junli, u took FM, u should know? tell me! Another function i discovered is tt this new one can compute complex numbers as well. u can key in 'i' n they can tell u the magnitude as well as the angle of the pt from the origin. even if it isnt complex, u can still key in x y cordinates n it can calculate the magnitude n angle. also remember those vector diagrams in phy? u can key in one line n add anothern get the magnitude n angle of the resultant line. i was like, whoa, if i'm used to usin all these functions, it would save me a lot of time! but i'm rather reluctant to use it for exams yet coz i'm not used to it. i'm too used to the old one where i know where the imp keys r. those ones hav been relocated in the new one. things like e, DRG, FSE, pie, nPr nCr n others r used usin shift function so better practice wif em if i'm gonna use this for exams.

this is quite sad. we're juz studyin whole day until end of november. i'm really demoralised by chem. i juz feel like studyin only for maths n phy. i gotta re do organic chem from scratch n i think i hav to dedicate one wk solely on tt. n tt's not revisin either. so wat can i expect when i sit for the paper? i'll still b like, erm, this is this tt is tt n all. i'm so screwed. n i havent started on options too. gonna do phy n inorganic bit by bit while i do maths n i guess tt should do. phy will start next wk. i got it all planned out but can i really execute it. i still hav SAT II to do. arrgh, its such a pain in the arse...

"Cuz when a woman's fed up
(No matter how you beg, no)
It ain't nothing you can do about it
(Nothing you can do about it)
It's like running out of love
(No matter what you say, no)
And then it's too late to talk about it
(Too late to talk about it)
You can cry a river
'Till an ocean starts to form, yeah
But she will always remember
Cuz she's a woman scorned
And if you ever get her back
It will never be the same
She's cuttin' the corners of her eyes
Every time she see your face
Now your trust is out the door
She don't want you no more
You used to tell your boys, not me
And she would always be there for you
If you had took the time to see
What that woman meant to you
Is what the mirror said to me, whoa
She was raised in Illinois
Right outside of Chicago
Some of the best cookin' you ever had
Yes, it was and I miss her
Hey woman, if you're listening
I said I miss you baby"

Chem prac was such a slap in the face today. who would've expected us to identify functional groups instead of the usual ions? i mean, durin the two hrs tt we had to waste while in quarantine, i almost memorised the god darn anion/cation table n was all ready for anythin. but once i was stumped off-course, i totally lost everythin! as usual, my inability to comprehend organic chemistry has led to my demise. sigh. like tt how? even if i work hard C is gettin further n further away from me. might as well juz concentrate on phy n maths tt can sure do well if enough time is spent on it. but no.... gotta do it. VA n PA wasnt too bad. only complain i can say bt VA is tt how the hell do we know how much do we have to swirl till the solution becomes colourless. if u want it to b colourless after few seconds, then the readin will b near 27. but many got like 25 or somethin. i was tryin out a fourth titration juz to make sure n when i stopped at 26 n swirled for bt 2 mins or so, it became colourless. WTH!!! so it depends on how long u swirl too? how r we expected to know such stuff when instruction tells us to add a drop, swirl for 'few seconds' n continue? i was quite pissed at the end of my fourth titration coz the results i had so far was 27 for rough, then 26.7, 26.6 n then now suddenly 26 coz of my sixth sense tt i was wrong somehow. i was like, wat the feck, juz put my consistent result! afterwards my PJC friend told me tt her tutor's readin was 26.5. so i was like heh, how come most in SA near 25 then? well.... chem pracs... never sure... PA was rather simple, 'I THINK'. if i didnt do anythin wrong, tt is. Thermochem I've more or less got it inside out, so i was rather ok wif it. design wasnt too bad i guess. but QA, my QA. 'FA6 is an Organic solid.' I was straight away like, shyte... the only organic compound i remembered comin across was some ethanoic acid or somethin tt was in our notes. other than tt, i had no clue was i was supposed to deduce. i guess reactions usin ethanol n formation of those white crystal like substances, which i was amazed to b juz lookin at for a while, was supposed to b the clue. but heck, i hav yet to touch organic, so i got only myself to blame if tt was straight forward deduction. after tt i was quite pissed already, so naturally, the QA design prac went bad, coz i couldnt differentiate since all were formin white ppt. i couldnt b bothered to find out which was soluble or insoluble in excess to determine the identities.

feck. feck it. chem is a goner. i can still try somehow to do well for written, but wat r the chances. ah well, whether i do well or not doesnt really make significant impact, so i guess i'll juz do wat i can.

Monday night... yea, tt's when I talked to Junwen's gf, Nicole, who's in SF. Its kinda buddy promise I made to him. while he's in NS, i'll try my best to check to see if everythin's all right wif her n all. i mean its the least i can do for a bud who's inside camp n cant do much else unless he's outside. over the phone, she seems pretty nice n fun to talk to. we talked bt the usual stuff, like wat she was doin in sch n stuff. since i might b in California in less than a yr, i asked her stuff so tt i could roughly gauge wat i should expect n all. accordin to her, pace is slow, but a lot of work. which makes u capitalize on wat u learn at tt pt. so in the end, u're damn gd at one thing. i guess tt's gd, compared to her, where we learn n then move off to new stuff. we talked bt other stuff as well n i guess Junwen wouldnt hav to worry too much while he's in NS. she seems to carry herself quite well. by usual standards, i would've objected to callin her since i'm not a phone person n askin me to talk to a person i dont even know would hav been deemed outrageous, but he's done me few favours, its my turn to do him mine. But its like first time i've actually done this kinda thing. felt quite weird talkin to her like it was someone i knew, well, i actually know her from Junwen but considerin i've never met her nor talked to her b4, i guess tt was weird enough. but we did it. it was ok, we got on quite well, i think. juz gotta do it time to time then i guess it'll b juz normal n natural to us. juz takes time.

wat else...

beckham missed tt horrendous penalty. i dun giv a shyte whether he slipped, tt was bad! my god, wat was he doin! but i guess it worked out for both sides in the end. juz a pity the tension between england n turkey got worse. poor fella Alpay might b driven out of english soccer coz of this. its not his fault. he only said stuff to beckham, its tt brylcreem boy who stuck his head against Alpay's face tt caused everythin to go wrong. ah well. footballers should learn to use more of the sense up there. such easily irritable ppl.

o i cut my hair on monday. my mom doesnt like it at all. she's like, 'why did u cut so short! i can totally see ur scalp from anywhere! why do u want to somethin like tt to ur hair!' but i feel gd havin short hair. while i was cuttin, i was hopin i could get a haircut 'Adrian Mutu' style. tt very short, almost bald, yet not bald hair. kinda like marine cut. but mine's pretty close to tt. my classmates were commentin whether i was gettin myself ready for NS. huh? NS? i havent got my enlistment letter yet! I'm still waitin for the one from Al-Qaeda! hahahaha... Zeeshan n I joke bt tt all the time. as if we'll get called up by Al-Qaeda. besides, i'll prob get executed there coz of my insufficient belief in Islam.

wat am i sayin. feelin pretty fucked from chem prac tt's y. but next wk will b gd! my forte! phy prac. tt, u cant get it wrong unless u read stuff wrongly n all. its a potential full mark. really! so got one wk to do my chem, maths n some SAT II prep. SAT II seems rather quite straightforward. but tt's another thing for another day.

okay changed the outlook a while but i dont really like the feel of it yet. i'll try to edit whenever i can but i guess its ok for now.

not gonna say much today, except for the fact tt war against the A's has begun. i'll try my best to prepare myself for the dreaded chem prac n start grittin through my hatred organic chem as well. sigh here it is. less than a month to go.

"And I want to get free talk to me
I can feel you falling
And I wanted to be all you need
Somehow here is gone"

I feel so liberated i dunno wat to say right now. sure, farewell assembly was a great thing. sad tt our sch lives has ended, but ecstatic as to wat the future holds. but watever it was, friday was a great day. we had a memorable ceremony, cool video by the teachers, wise words from da man Mr. Mannan, n singin the sch song for one united time. its all gd. but it was funny how the SASA guys n the cricket guys were lookin around for ppl to drag em into the guy's toilet to drench em wif water while everyone was eatin stuff from the reception. last day n we were bein mischievous rascals yet again. tt's another thing i'll always remember. We drenched Shafiq, Wayne, Iskie n soon, i was one of em too. haha. managed to turn the hose around so i brough Tash down in the end. it was damn cold but so fun. it was rather ironic how i took photos in tt condition after tt wif the cool clique. o yah, after two yrs of talkin n promisin, we finally went to take photo wif the mysterious dinosaur nearby to our sch. it was made of sponge but felt quite like how we expect dinosaur to feel like. so it was cool like tt. i went to the mosque later, then went home, showered, got rid of the wet clothes which were quite dry by then, then went to take tt x ray tt my doc asked me to take, juz in case theres somethin wit my lungs. i still think its my throat, not my lungs but we'll see bt tt.

After tt, rushed to orchard to meet Denise, Koustav n Marc juz in time. We caught Seabiscuit instead of Underworld tt Marc badly wanted to watch n accordin to Glen n Jaime who were at the same place, it wasnt gd. Seabiscuit was quite gd. it was one of the first time tt i actually observed the crowd clappin in unison when seabiscuit won over war admiral, the so called best horse. i tot it was only us clappin but it was more or less the whole crowd! was amazin sight. went to Zara later n we pretended to look for prom stuff, but in the end we were really lookin for prom stuff. found a blue shirt i really liked n everyone else said it looked quite gd. i'll get my dad n show him once he comes back. it'll go quite well wif the suit i'm gettin it done. Koustav bought a trench coat like stuff in the end n i'm quite happy tt he got somethin he really wanted. he looks quite gd in it too. only unhappy incident was this group of guys givin sneers n ridiculous look when Koustav was tryin it out. i wanted to juz shout 'wat the fuck r y'all lookin at. let him b, its not like u guys r so gd lookin n stylish, r ye!!?" ppl can b so mean sometimes. but watever, there's always some ppl like tt.

it was rather hilarious when juz b4 the movie, i met Dewi (a friend of mine, not the Dewi from SA) after quite some time n we chatted for a while b4 she went off wif her usual 'call me sometime' line n Marc was juz lookin at me smilin. he was like, 'wat was tt? call me sometime? *grin, smile smile Marc-style* n i juz couldnt stop laughin n mockin his reaction through out the later part of the day. haha... yea, wats up wit tt? its juz call me sometime. Dewi says it all the time. but the way he phrase it seem like theres somethin bt it. like some cheap style bout it. i kept nudgin him durin dinner n all n i juz couldnt stop it. haha, sorry man! u're juz too funny! as maddie says, he's Marc blur-kok ikan bilis Irawan n he truly lives up to its name! hail Marc!!

yea, then Denise left coz she was havin dinner wif her family. o yah i touched her ass! haha, actually we took this rather scandalous shot while at the dinosaur where she grabbed my 'casually talked about butt' n i grabbed hers, we looked backwards at Koustav while he took the photo. he couldnt stop laughin n b amused bt it too. Yea, then we went to hav dinner at Es Teler 77, an indon fast food chain tt Paulina introduced me to. Addy joined us later on n we had a pretty nice dinner. all of us bought different drinks n were shiftin around n around, tryin out wat the other was drinkin n findin out which ones the gd one. i got myself a gd meal wit the tastiest n crispiest chicken skin ive ever tasted. my god tt was so gd. i felt so full n content after tt i wish i was in heaven. or at least felt like tt for a while.

while we were walkin around, it really felt gd. this is wat it means to b 'free.' i finally realised. its like i never had proper time off ever since i joined sec sch coz there was always somethin for me to do, somethin to worry, coz i was always involved in somethin. i guess i had a partial break after O's but didnt quite feel like last nite. last nite, i was actually lookin forward to end of A's, when i can walk down free n liberal, not havin to worry bt anythin. actually it was quite the opposite considerin i still hav my A's n i was sittin for SAT right the next day, but i wasnt too worried, surprisingly. i mean, u cant do much bt SAT coz i've pretty much done watever i could. so it was like, graduation, next day, take the test tt'll determine everythin. was quite cool thinkin like tt. now all i need to do is to do well on A's, SAT II, apply to colleges properly n i'll b able to enjoy the liberty for 7 mths! u gotta b so lookin forward to tt! i cant hardly wait!

this has been a long long time. ever since sec 3 or JC 1, even tho i had holiday, it was never a holidays coz u were always somewhat attached to word. be it council, exams, projects, now i had nothin. somehow i suddenly felt like A's wasnt a priority to me anymore. tt shouldnt b the case, but i was really feelin like tt. so when i was walkin alone on the way back to the busstop, i bet ppl walkin past me wouldve imagine to themselves thinkin, my, y is this guy smilin to himself or somethin like tt. but truthfully, sorry i keep on sayin it over n over, but it felt gd. to b free. i'll juz work hard for the next 2, 3 months, finishin everythin, n it'll all b cool. its all gd.

SAT I's done. Verbal sucked, i'm afraid i might do worse than last time of verbal 540, but i'm pretty confident i'll do well for maths. mayb 700. i dunno, everytime i think like tt, i end up gettin some screwed up score so better not raise my hopes too high. might end up gettin 600. *gasp!* nah, cant b... ah well, watever the case, for the better or worse, i'm movin on. decided finally to apply to Carnegie Mellon University in Pittsburg over giants of Cornell n U Penn coz of better chance of gettin in as well as better prospects of landing a top job. told u all b4, but IBM recruits freshbies from MIT n Carnegie Mellon exclusively, so i was rather temped at their Computer Science department. Cornell n U Penn r too high end, if u ask me. Also, gotta apply to Berkeley n UCLA tho the chances r v v slim, but i'll juz giv it a shot. haha, who knows, i might juz get a big pack at the end of Dec tellin me i'm goin to CM! I'll feel so happy i think i would die! haha, hope, fingers crossed everyone. future seems sure brighter than anythin i've ever imagined.

so tt's one major paper gone. i'm gonna mug for maths n chem from now on n gd riddance to tt god darned SAT prep bk. gonna giv it to my bro to train him from now. he's a hardworker, so he might eclipse my performance.

i keep recallin the scene when i was tellin Marc; Hey, our lives r gonna b so cool once its all over man.
N then we would juz smile in anticipation of greater goods to come. This is to ecstatic. n i juz got a call from our NS man, Junwen. He tells me he's all gd n all. I'm happy tt he's not havin too much of a rough time in NS. See, this is wat i mean, complete serene happiness. only if i had someone to sit down n listen to some jazz or soft R&B n juz chill out. we will we will, once our war is over. o plz, let this heaven b extended for long as we can enjoy. life is so short, we forget wat its worth. but now i know. now i know...

It's a beautiful day I heard everybody say
The sun shines down for all of us
Just the same you know I like the rain
That ain't so obvious
It's a beautiful sight I guess everybody's right
This day belongs to all of us
Even still I like with a chill
That ain't so obvious

We are the normal
We live and we die
With no reason why

It's a beautiful life and I've got it in my sights
And that ain't for all of us
It's a beautiful sound
My life comes crashing down
That ain't so obvious
It's a beautiful sin and I'm doing it again
And that ain't for all of us
It's a beautiful life and I've got it in my sights
Ain't that so obvious

We are the normal
We live and we die
With no reason why

yea i've not had two night's entry coz i was so tired so busy n basically, didnt hav much to write abt.

anyway, i think i can sum up three days' worth of thoughts into this i think will b a v long entry.

so we finished last proper day of sch. tomorrow is farewell assembly n a load of phototakin, goin out to the movies, dinner to sum up our last day of sch in our lives. its gonna b a smashin day, i can feel it. suddenly memories come flashin into my mind. the orientation, speaker's club, o level results, permanent class, joinin the council, promos, OBS, grad nite, our own orientation, interaction with the new first three months intakes, animal farm, trip to U.S., steppin down, brief time wif the cricket team, prelims, n here we r. those were major moments in my life i'll prob never forget.

but there r some thoughts still lingerin in my mind. there's always this case of 'wat if' i had done these things. firstly, if i really had gone to JC for academic reasons, i would hav gone to ACJC or PJC coz those two r the only JCs tt provide my first choice subject combination. tt's MC, Phy, Chem n Computing. but SA couldnt do tt. if not, i would hav taken FM. bein the case, i wouldnt hav joined a taxin activity like drama n council. but then, tt wouldnt hav been fun juz studyin. i might hav joined some obscure CCA to pass time while maintainin my studies. but i didnt do tt. coz experience in JC, or high sch, is invaluable. n if i ask me today whether i would hav traded those experience for gd grades n satisfaction of my subjects. but its juz a lingerin thought. Wat if...? ACJC is full of interestin ppl, i'm told. but there r downsides to it as well. PJC would hav been great too, coz my gd friends sch there, but is generally considered a sub standard sch, which i dont really care. but in SA, i hav met wif great individuals tt shaped my very character, my mindset. n one thing i wouldnt hav done elsewhere is to develop myself as whole by participatin in a whole lot of different stuff like emceein, debates, student leadership, acting, bein a sports man n at times cultural representative. these stuff i would hav never managed to achieve in ACJC, i'm led to believe. at the expense of my academic results, i gained all tt. n i cant ask for anythin more. tt's wat i wanted to do, tt's wat i got. besides, these r things i'll prob never get to do again. academic results, well, i'm goin to a place tt can offer a second chance. but i'll do my best in the comin ones.

one regret might b tt i didnt exactly get to know a whole load of ppl. i mean, by normal standards, i think ive gotten to know more than enough ppl through my various activities n all. but there r certain ppl i wish i was closer to, or get to know better than juz hi-bye relationship, or those who the closest u got to was juz an eye contact. ive had great friends no doubt. so much so i dont really wanna leave singapore juz coz of em. but life has to go on. i was tellin Adeline, Clarisse n Koustav today, tt i've gotten to know a lot of ppl, but very few i can truly consider gd friends, those who u can confide in, share ur probs, spend gd time together n all. i've only managed to develop a handful, which is enough, but i wanted to reach a level where i could b considered more than juz tt for many other ppl. mayb its juz the way i represent myself. mayb its the way i relate to ppl. mayb its coz of the way i look. i dunno. but its definately better than b4. i used to b considered aloof, proud, stuck up n all but ppl hav told me ive changed. i guess tts gd in a way.

o yea, there wasnt much romance in my life too. haha, askin for too much i guess. but i pretty had my mind set up. try not to get into anythin too serious. i'm leavin after JC. in fact, i tot i was leavin after O's so b4 tt, i was already v cold in terms of gettin intimate wif anyone. things might hav changed since then. i'm not too sure bt the situation now. but tt's a little too private issue tt only if ure my close friend, then u'll know of it.

but i'm happy. more than. i'm v content. i mean, how could i not b? i've pretty much led a life tt most teenagers would hav wanted. active in sch, i wont say i was famous, but i guess lot of ppl knew who i was n all, i was havin fun like any other ppl, i knew the 'popular' ones in sch, i was in quite a gd position in terms of CCAs n stuff n had a truly wonderful 2 yrs. well, gonna b soon.

JC life has taught me many things as well as lettin me experience new stuff. things like not doin ur work n attendin lessons, skippin lectures, goin off early so as to meet a friend, failin exams n not carin much abt it, not go to sch coz i dont feel like it, doin things tt would've definately got me into trouble, but managed to escape through tt, hangin around wif potential trouble, but learnin a great deal from em, n the list can go on n on.

but it has to end.

saturday mornin will mark the start of my war. i'll sit for my SAT I, then i'll start muggin for chem n maths, n at the same time preparin for SAT II n fillin up college application. i dont think i'll do too well for my A's but tt's not too essential considerin my case. but i'll face up to the challenge n see wat i can do abt it. it'll b a long long 1.5 mths, but i'll survive, or so i hope. i can do it, oh yes i can.

at this moment i would like to thank very certain individuals from SAJC, who has provided me with a great time. im writin as tho i'm dyin, but i'm not. n yea, if i do forget to put in ur name here, plz dont feel insulted or get angry. there r so many names in my head now i wont b surprised if i miss certain names. so plz accept my apologies.

A big big thank yous to
The 25th Student Council
02S57
All involved in Animal Farm
Speaker's Club
The Championship winning cricket team
ICS
and these special individuals: (not in any order of merit, juz typin as names come rollin into my mind);
Adeline, Ahmad Azizul, Allan, Alwyn, Arvinder, Candace, Chia How, Clarisse, Denise, Ervin, Evelyn, Glen, Harith, Hui, Iskandar, Jaime, Jennifer, Jessica, Jia Xian, Jonas, Joseph, Junli, Junwen, Kimberly, Koustav, Kuan Sian, Lauren, Lem, Lionel, Lokesh, Madeline, Marc, Marcus, Mark, Melvin, Merrilyn, Meyer, Natalie, Nolan, Perry, Praga, Roxanne, Shafiq, Stella, Suhannia, Sunny, Talib, Thash, Theresa, Tinaga, Utkarsh, Vasan, Victor, Vignesh, Wayne, Winfrid, Xiu Ming, Yan Wei, Yen Yen, Zeeshan, Zhan Xiang, Zhengwei, Zul n i know a many other more but i'm so sorry, theres too many names already! i'll add em as i recall who i've missed n all!

I'll dedicate a song to u all whether or not u've been named above or not. its a song called "Best Days" by a relatively unknown R&B-Jazz band from Denmark or Belgium, called 'Juice';

"Best Days" by Juice

Am I happy - maybe not
But I never wanna lose what I got
I wouldn't trade it for anything dear to my heart, oh no
You take the good times with the bad
How else would you know happy from sad
Sooner or later
You gonna have to finally look back

And you'll look back and see
What happened in between
And you'll appreciate
Each and every single day

The pop of the cork
And the cling of the glasses
We toast to the future
And we drink to the past
It might not be easy
But nevertheless
These are the best days (of our lives)

Sometimes the weather can be rain
But one day it will be sunny again
Without the clouds of life
It's just another sunny day

The pop of the cork
And the cling of the glasses
We toast to the future
And we drink to the past
It might not be easy
But nevertheless
These are the best days (of our lives)

These are the times
That I will never forget
These are the best days (of our lives)

And you'll look back and see
What happened in between
And you'll appreciate
Each and every single day

The pop of the cork
And the cling of the glasses
We toast to the future
And we drink to the past
It might not be easy
But nevertheless
These are the best days (of our lives)

It might not be easy
But nevertheless
These are the best days of our lives

So lets enjoy tomorrow n get up to tt studyin. after November, we can forget bt everythin!

"Give me one reason to stay here - and I'll turn right back around
Give me one reason to stay here - and I'll turn right back around
Because I don't want leave you lonely
But you got to make me change my mind"

Suddenly started listenin to lyrical genius Tracy Chapman today. She's juz oh my. genius isnt the word to describe. its a livin legend. her songs r so personal n so honest. not many can stand country like music but i make an exception for her anytime.

Hmm... lectures were bad, BAD, B-A-D. i somehow went through two periods of phy lect which went through a pretty much straight forward qtn, i didnt see any reason y we spent so much time on it. we couldve moved on much faster has it been done by Mr. Chan or Mr. Mannan. I initially intended to go off n not attend chem lect, but Marc managed to make me stay n attend. but i couldnt take it anymore after tt. skipped GP n maths to do my own maths. i think i did farely well for the stats considerin my standards. i think my tuition tutor's magic helped a lot. i could actually manipulate things in n out n could answer few of them pretty simply. but theres still work to b done. a lot more. i'm gonna go back to doin SAT for the rest of this wk n i'll b doin chem from then on. woo... A's r officially startin next wk. i'm so screwed still.

Marc showed me the brochure for his institute of photography today n i mus say, its v temptin to specialise in these field. i think he's gonna hav a great time. he said this one, Brooks Institute of Photography, is one of the best in the field n if he manages to get in, everythin will b gd. he said he was so excited by it he suddenly felt like not carin anymore for A's anymore. haha, now he knows how i feel. A's wont make any diff anymore. it'll juz b a extra piece of data to show off.

Anyway...

I told all of ya! I knew it! Kieron Dyer was involved somehow! He denies havin participated in the rape but he booked the hotel rooms in his name for all the rest. but now the story gets rather complicated coz info provided starts to conflict. the girl said she agreed to hav sex wif a player, but now theres a new person, who is juz a party organiser, who said he was the one who had sex wif the girl initially. so she didnt do it wif a footballer. afterwards, accordin to new source, two premiership players n 2 others joined in, not 7 like the girl said. n in a turn of events, the girl didnt resist. instead of cryin n runnin away after the ordeal, she actually stayed wif em till the mornin n had breakfast wif em. hmmm... now wats it gonna b? it seems now tt this girl went in wif the intention of sellin the story rite? these footballers shouldve known it was comin... so now, we cant believe either side coz obviously, watever each side is sayin is bein said in a way to conceal their guilty side n giv inaccurate extra info to cover up. this is when stories like this gets ugly.

hmm... i'm feelin rather tired n sleepy after all tt maths durin the day n durin the test. guess i'm goin off early.

one pt to note tho.. its funny how guys/girls can totally change themselves for someone. its like they no longer are ppl we knew em to b coz they're wif someone now. wonder y's tt... i wouldnt 'completely' change myself. ah well, diff ppl diff reaction i guess.

"Baby just give me one reason - Give me just one reason why
Baby just give me one reason - Give me just one reason why I should stay
Because I told you that I loved you
And there ain't no more to say"

"I think about you all the time
But I don't need the same
It's lonely where you are come back down
And I won't tell em your name"

woke up feelin quite fucked. like the body feelin so lathargic n not wantin to do anythin else but to remain on the bed n stone. but it was not to b. it was only 9 on a sunday mornin, n i got up to read the papers. i still find the new sunday times weird to browse through n i had to flip couple of times b4 arrivin at the sports section. no developments on the rape allegation, only new piece of info is tt the player tt the girl agreed to hav sex wit is a chelsea player. hmm...

newcastle won but tt only improved their position by one. but we've got a game in hand n if we win tt n everyone else loses, we shoot all the way to 11th place. a big big morale booster tt would b. but we're not playin anymore till the 15th oct, in the almost guaranteed to go through UEFA Cup First Round Second Leg against NAC Breda.

downloaded the first episode of season 10 of friends last nite n got down to watchin it after tt. my my, season 10 is gonna b so much funnier than b4. i'm not gonna say much else coz i can already feel the glares of Clarisse, Denise n Koustav tellin me "I'll kill u if u say a word more" but its really. the second episode went one better than the first, ross makin a total fool outta himself. but i shant go on. i cant possibly wait till march or april to see em coz i dont think i'll b here anymore.

went to help my parents do grocery shoppin like any other sunday n had shower, ate lunch rather quickly b4 i had tuition. today's session was rather gd. the tutor really made me feel like i actually knew everythin, only tt i couldnt put em into use most of the time. she tested me in various ways n i was surprised i actually knew wat to do. i hope i continue to b like tt in the test tomorrow but as fate has it n as ive seen quite often in previous occasions, somethin will always happen to screw it up. ah well, as long as it doesnt happen in the A's i'm cool. while doin all the fine tunin, i realised i actually liked stats, only regrettin tt the sch didnt giv us a chance to do mechanics even tho we didnt hav time to cover em n all. i think my paper 2 would b in much better shape if i can do applied maths instead of juz stats.

watched second episode of friends b4 i succumbed to the temptation of goin for a light workout wif soccer.

felt v shagged after tt. showered again, ironed my uniform, watched a little tv, ate dinner n here i am, juz surfin abt, goin to fall asleep. my sunday's pretty much routine-like. but i like it coz its a day where i can totally rest my mind n prepare for another wk of madness.

i wanna compile another night CD to accompany me to sleep. i better start diggin up nice songs from my CD collection. actually i juz wanna listen to lauryn hill, coldplay n maxwell n some other crooners. but i'll c bt tt. i'm quite happy wit the other compilation, but could do one better wif this new one.

"Everything you are
Falls from the sky like a star
Everything you are
Whatever ever you are"

Final score from St.James' Park
Newcastle United 1
Shearer (43rd)

Southampton 0

Weeee... first win in the Premier League this season! its been a long long wait, but its finally goin rite. big thumbs up n salutes to Big Al, scoring his 250 top flight goal tt got us the first win. i guess my superstition worked eh Denise? i took extra care to make sure it doesnt fall off after few days n even put up another picture tt had been covered by somethin else n subsequently the dust. but tt gets everythin goin off for me. hopefully this will signal the beginnin of better times. my war will start next wk n theres no turnin back after tt. it starts wit the SAT n i'm gonna do it, gettin inspiration from my hero, Shearer n Newcastle.

Hmm... really wanted to do a lot of work to free up the sunday, but it was not to be. woke up, had breakfast n the whole family was out to do couple of stuff for the day. first up to the dentist. i hadnt been there since March or so when i had to cancel an appointment either coz of Animal Farm practices or Council stuff. didnt get to reschedule till today. so i was up for the usual fittin in of retainers to check whether it was in shape, as well as my teeth alignments n the cleanin up. luckily they didnt do the salt clean thing. tt burns ur gums for the whole day. then went to cine to repair my phone, which wasnt vibratin anymore. haha, tt sounded quite wrong, hidden implications tho. the person told me to come back around 2, so we had abt 2 hrs to finish up couple of stuff. my mom wanted to get some new towels so off we went to taka, where we were checkin out different towels n arguin abt one bein too rough, too hard n ones tt wont absorb much water when we dry ourselves. in the end, got watever we tot were ok n went up, my dad wantin to get a connecter so tt he can hook his new nokia 6010 to his laptop. we spent some time where, while i watched parts of swordfish n 2 fast 2 furious. my dad got his stuff, then we went down to collect my dad's specs. since it was my mom's birthday today, we let her choose wat we should eat for lunch n she selected this japanese place. so we quite a nice lunch, everyone pretty much content wit wat they ordered. i had for myself u.s. prime beef plus green tea soba n some slices of sashimi. i'm not too used to the sashimi still, so was worried if i would puke later on in the day. but didnt. haha. by then, it was near 3 so i collected my hp n then we went off. my dad deposited n collected his laundry n returned my dvd rentals n we were back home. i did a little of SAT again, but couldnt force myself to continue after tt nice meal. initially intended to play soccer like any other saturday, but fell asleep instead. ah well, i guess i juz gotta do all the work tomorrow. then, as usual, it was premiership saturday.

certain things were crossin my mind throughout today. coz in one of the SAT passage, this particular passage spoke of an author's experience bein a son of mexican immigrant family settlin in america. tt made me think, since i didnt grow up in america, there would b certain aspects of life tt i'll always find it not part of myself if i eventually decide to live there. things like the numerous holidays tt they hav, which significance i'm not really aware of, those christian holidays such a st.patrick's day, thanksgiving, etc which i've not really seen christians in singapore celebrate n all. n i wont b able to understand certain pts in their lives. like the passage, where the author could see how his parents were adaptin to the new surroundings, but it was always obvious they were outsiders. i would want my kids to go through tt kinda thing n grow up feelin like strangers. if possible, at all, i would want em to grow up like any other american n lead their lives in no different ways like theirs so tt they would not hav to worry bt who they should b socialisin wit. tt would mean i would hav to celebrate days like thanksgivin, christmas n all other days while they grow up. i wouldnt know who i would marry yet, but watever the case, it wouldnt b right if my kids grow up not knowin wat these days represent n feel like they're missin out on somethin. tt seriously worried me coz i already at times feel pretty much an outsider, only tt i dont make issues out of it. i realise i'm bein put in an unusual, if not complicated situation but i've always been able to adapt or work my way around it. things like communication barrier in terms of language bein spoken, in terms of difference in religion, in terms of bein the minority, ive never actually seen these problesm hamper me but since i was facin all these probs since early on in my life, it has become normal to me. but tts how i became me. not everyone is like tt. n i wouldnt want my kids to suffer the same thing. any parent would want their kids to grow up not worryin n leadin a easy, enjoyable yet time. in a way, i could associate myself wit the author.

bengali writer Jhumpa Lahiri, winner of the pulitzer in 99 or 2000, i cant remember, recently published her first proper novel tt sort of is relevant to wat i've talked about above. i would really want to get my hands on tt bk n read it since i was pretty impressed wit her first book.

y am i thinkin so much ahead. its not like i'm plannin my whole life right now.

"You're cynical and beautiful
You always make a scene
You're monochrome delirious
You're nothing that you seem
I'm drowning in your vanity
Your laugh is a disease
You're dirty and you're sweet
You know you're everything to me"

Last day of proper lecture-tutorial classes in SA. Next wk will b my last wk of sch life. *sob sob* r u kiddin me, i cant b bothered if its all long lectures! Wats worse, i've still gotta sit for tests next wk. MC P2 stuff on mon n GP mock on tues. jeez...

Did SAT Verbal diagnostic, test 1 n test 2. from tt, i can now roughly gauge my performance n it doesnt seem too gd, but enough to land me in one of the state Us. I guess i gotta seriously consider transferin in the second year then. i guess it'll b gd for me.

So it was mostly the case of usual stuff for me. go to sch, assembly, went for only lesson i wanted to go for, phy tut, only to find out Mr Mannan was on MC. later found out he got fever. hope he becomes ok soon. so went back to council room to juz do Verbal stuff. my it is a headache doin tt analogies n somehow tryin to make a sense out of readin the passages so quickly n answerin em. i lose my concentration half way. i better work on tt.

yea, lotsa talkin cock wit Kuan Sian, Marc n others throughout the day.

so it was almost gonna b a short day, until, after prayers, i got a message from Paulina she was watchin "A Time For Dancing" tt stars Shiri Appleby! i wasnt sure who else wanted to watch it n coz i had such a tight schedule tt i couldnt contribute time to any other part of the wk, i decided on last min to watch it. I kinda expected the storyline to b somewat weak n almost cliche of any other teenage movie, but i was watchin it more or less coz of Shiri Appleby. she was this natural talent to fit in perfectly into any high school girl's role. I didnt get to see 'Swimfan' but i suppose her actin was gd. I cant say i've seen much of her except for Roswell, but i think all u need to see is her performance in Roswell to make u realise how gd she is. pity tt she cant really get major roles, she doesnt seem to hav tt bod or boobs necessary to make actresses reach tt 'super' level status. but she deserves to b on tt level, if u ask me. i guess everyone juz needs to watch the pilot episode of Roswell to juz get drawn to how she makes the role completely herself.

Well, it was quite sad to realise tt the movie wasnt tt gd. its one of those movie tt can only b appreciated by movie enthusiasts, not the majority of movie goers. i was almost gettin bored by the way the movie was portraited halfway. this is one of the very few movie tt i actually went to the toilet during the movie. usually i never do tt coz i cant stand missin out on a part which could b crucial n i'll never know. i hate missin the beginnin n anythin in between. only other movie i went off to piss n come back tt i can remember is X-Files. i still dunno the beginnin of Resident Evil n still not sure how the movie got started to make all the mess. But it was tt kinda movie. luckily i went off durin a dance segment, tho it was a Shiri dance part. ah well. but was surprised to find out it was based on a real story. its quite sad, to think abt it. dancin her whole life n to b struck down by cancer juz when she was goin to audition for Julliard School is unthinkable. It was so emotional the last part when Shiri Appleby was writin down in her journal tt she got accepted but she had to mail the deans of admissions, sayin tt the applicant is no longer alive.

walked around far east for a while b4 headin back. i showered, n then got down to doin SATs tt were meant to b done in the afternoon immediately. i planned the timin right n managed to finish up was i wanted to finish off today n still make it in time for Survivor: Pearl Islands.

Gotta go to the dentist tomorrow in the morning. then do somemore SATs b4 i study stats for monday's test. bleah, got no more time....