im thinkin of submitting 4 university application by today. ive gotta submit 2 by today anyway, the other two are georgia tech and umass - amherst, whose applications are rather straightforward. i was thinkin, since thats the case, even tho the deadline's on 15th jan, i might as well settle it, then i'll hav more time to tie up USC, ann arbor, ut austin and madison.

yea, i know its new yrs eve, but u know wat? i dont giv a hoot. its juz another usual day, i dont see any significance in new yrs, its just the way we count our calendar n all, as someone i cant recall said, its devised by men, so why embrace somethin we created?

but for those who care, happy new yr.

yep, so carnegie mellon's done, georgia tech's done, urbana-champaign and umass juz needs them essays. i dont think i mentioned here previously, but i pulled out of cornell n upenn, primarily coz of admission chances. firstly, im like out of their range of incomin freshmen. secondly, since ill apply for financial aid, wat r the chances tt they will giv assistance to a student tt's like below the average incomin freshmen's score? besides those two are ivy league; sometimes havin gd scores doesnt mean anythin to them. so yea, if everythin goes rite, then ill only hav 4 more schs to tie up. amazing. but not so, coz it doesnt make any diff, since i'll b leavin in feb.

damn...

sorry ive not been updatin other than the less than sorry scores of Newcastle. god, if u saw the match on sunday, you would wonder how in the hell they managed to stay in top 10. few wks ago, they were in comfortable situation to maintain at least a top 5 finish, more like could secure 4th n get tt last champs lg booth. lately, they've been playin like relegation-threatened teams. i felt so pissed at their performance on sunday n i bet those fans in St. James' Park felt the same. they booed O'Brien, when he was practically caught napping. had it not been for the heroics of Given, we would easily been thrashed 5-0.

i hate it when they put in couple of solid performances n fuck things up on those games that is an easy 3 pointers. if u're not gonna get the points from strugging opponents, how r u gonna command any challenge? but its quite clear there's 3 divisions within the premier league. the elites; i dont need to explain, manures, gooners and chelski. then comes the battle for the last champs league spot that is of equal competition to 6 teams; charlton, southampton, liverpool, birmingham, newcastle and fulham. its virtually impossible that there be any intrusion to the top 3. the difference between 3rd and 4th place stands at 12 pts comin into january. the other 9 (lets face it, wolves are gone and sad to say, most probably leeds. but they might just make it, like bradford did few seasons back) teams r jus playin and the lower ones r tryin to prevent itself from gettin involved in that last relegation spot. all this, within one league. the cut has never been this clear at halfseason, so much so, im amazed. n the top 3 will remain like tt for the couple of yrs. experience, money and reputation are things that cannot be built up quickly. (liverpool might be able to break into the club, but they need to replace houllier if theres any chance of it happening)

ok enuff of soccer.

aside from soccer, been doin some politics reading n watchin. yes, im talkin bt the us elections next yr. yes im bothered. things hav changed so much since the last election, and bush is partly to blame for all the prejudices we (ok, i) will face in the future. n im concerned coz pretty soon, i'll b livin there n most prob continue on to make a livin. i better b concerned. anyway, i want bush to go out, but considerin he pretty much fucked things up (one politician supposedly admitted he voted for bush knowin bush would fuck up, but he didnt expect bush to fuck up so badly... hahaha) and its better lettin the fucker continue handling the mess than get someone new to handle in a whole new way, which might backfire. but then again, there isnt any covincin candidate from the democratic party. the only two im havin in mind is clark or dean. but more to clark. i mean he's got it all, ex-NATO says it all. but yea, world politics is different issue. but i think he's got wat it takes to handle the white house. dean might hav gotten a massive boost by gettin endorsement from gore, but thats mainly coz gore backed out on the basis tt if he ran for next yr, ppl will think bout wat happened in the last election than focus on the current problems n issues. yea, gd decision, but does tt mean he'll try in 2008? supposin he does, its gonna b more interestin to watch the democratic debates than the actual presidential debates. coz its most likely gore vs hillary clinton head-on. that sounds very interesting. anyway, it pretty is clear bush will b re-elected, there isnt that strong candidate to take him on this time round, but who knows, things might change durin the course of next yr.

ive been watchin the BBC Timeline London and hardtalk lately. i juz love it when these guys argue among themselves to prove nothing. theres two sides to these discussion programs. they argue, present their points and talk a lot, but for wat? they can say all they want, sound real smart, etc, but nothin's changin. so wats the pt takin so much effort in convincin these ppl? on the otherhand, wat they say is true, sometimes some has real gd ideas n all. pity its not implemented. few days ago, this arab guy proposed a solution to the internal problems with the EU. he said that the members of EU should collectively form an alliance and let EU be the governing body to make up a new superpower that can counter the US. i was like starin at the TV n thinkin, wow, that's one terrific plan. like the US, which is made up of different states where each state has its own laws n governing body, so can the EU, most hav adopted the euro already, all thats needed is to dissolve the national governments to form one heading government. call it the united states of europe, or federation of european union, i think thats the best way to counter the growing powers of the only superpower left. then the EU n USA can discuss on equal terms n not be dominant over one, etc. i think if that happens, the other regions should follow. he hav way too many countries, we should form one gigantic union n deal wit world issues, things would b so much simpler n practical that way. i mean, i really think the arab countries should form one organisation or somethin. wat the hell r libya n iran gonna do by itself? its already handling itself so poorly, i think its better if the gulf nations all put their hands together n solve their own problems. that would really herald the new world. its only goin into 2004 now, would this be the defining moment for the 21st century? this would b really interesting.

Final Score from St. James' Park;
Newcastle United 0

Blackburn Rovers 1
Paul Gallagher (72nd)

#@%$!!!!!

God dammit, that was a bloody handball! Ref was right infront to see it all happen and let it pass as 'benefit of doubt.'

WHAT benefit of doubt? wat doubt was there?

there goes another dent in the quest for champs league hopes for next year....

now that im really goin to leave around february, suddenly this song is becomin my reality. i wouldnt hav expected it to be so.

Two Days In February by Goo Goo Dolls

I hung your picture on the wall and that's all it is
I break my fingers to make a call and that's all it is
I know you're living way out west and I don't think that I confessed
Everything I feel

You say you got no faith in things that you can't see
Well I'm sorry I ain't there with you but you ain't here with me
And I'm down in all my fears
But I ain't crying no tears over you

Cause everything's wrong
Well it's all right
Everything's wrong
Well it's all right

You said that this is crazy you're a half a world away
Well I'm sitting and I'm thinking but I didn't know what to say
So I said something I can't touch, I always want way too much
Anyway

Cause everything's wrong
Well it's all right
Everything's wrong
Well it's all right

I hung your picture on the wall but that's all it is
I break my fingers to make a call and that's all it is
I know you're living way out west
Don't get me wrong I'm not impressed
With you no more

hey guys, bad news or good news, depending on how u see it

but i think i'll be parting wit u guys much earlier. looks like i wont even stay till A Level results r out. i might be leaving around like mid feb now. if not, late feb.

it seems we might face some immigration issues wit the permanent resident thingy tt we hav.

technically, we're not supposed to stay outside of the US when we hav tt thing. so wat we used to do it go to the states every 2 yrs n apply for extension to stay outside. my cousin n their family, who were wit us last wk, met wit some unexpected prob when they went to illinois. coz their state of residency was in massachusetts, they were questioned y they were in illinois, not only tt, they were also questioned y they were based outside of US n all.

the last time they went to the states was a yr ago. tt means within one yr, probs can occur. n we've both signed on for 3 extensions already. we last went to US on june. now my dad thinks we shouldnt wait till a yr to go back, we should do earlier, so tt it wont be too obvious. so tt technically crosses out me leavin around may, which i was expected to leave then. if i go around feb, it would be like 9 months since my last visit. seems safer tt way.

i dont wanna leave so early, but i cant risk it. i mean im talking bout probable termination of my permanent residence status here. if tt's gone, my whole application process is gone, coz i'll be considered an international student then. tt mean good bye to me enrolling by 2004. im already goin paranoid whether i'll b admitted to any sch at all, coz it seems rather evident, i kinda chose those schs tt r rather competitive n all, even if i applied for like 17 (quite a number of them r like, im hopin on luck to get in)

well, theres the fall back plan. my dad's friends from his uni days in the Ph.D. course r imp ppl now. he said he has this friend of his, he can help me admit to Kyoto University anytime. all i need to do is call him. isnt tt cool or wat. of cuz its not as simple as it sounds, but yea, i got a backdoor entry. think abt it. Kyoto uni. no.2 in japan, no.30 in the whole world. but of cuz, i would hav to study in japanese.

but yea, u see the prob now. the next few days will tell wats gonna happen. still in the midst of findin out the probs n stuff.

... sigh...

Final Score from The Walkers Stadium;
Leicester City 1
Paul Dickov (67th)

Newcastle United 1
Darren Ambrose (90th)

Whoooo.... Last min equaliser! Young Ambrose is our saviour for today... I really thought we were done for.

YES!!

Finally got hold of the much sought-after 'Ken's Bar' by the Japanese R&B heart-throb Ken Hirai. Its mostly a acoustic remastering of the Jazz oldies or classics together with his better songs. It so good, it should belong to one of the best CDs produced by a Japanese artist. Even though you can tell that he's not so good in english (you can tell, he doesnt really sing the way native speakers of english do) but I guess its a very good effort put in by someone who isn't an english singer.

go look up for a pic of Ken Hirai. First thing you'd be thinking is 'is he mixed?' coz he really looks mixed, not Japanese at all. But I read somewhere that he's three generations pure Japanese.

Oh, I'm just having a great time listening to his CD. This is a materpiece. You all better try.

Now if only I could get my hands on the remix-ed collection... should have got it when I saw it in KL. Though it was way too pricey, it was a limited edition for a reason... damn it...

And so the quest ends after 3 years....

Man, if anyone denies that Return of The King was the best movie ever, they better be fucking kiddin me.

The mega battle scenes, sound effects, costumes, special effects, graphics, i can go on n on, they better win all these for Oscars. I realised later that the whole movie came close to 200 minutes but even when the main story had ended, I actually felt like wantin to watch more. the endin was a little subtle, I just hoped that they would make it a little better, than just showin Frodo leaving n showin Sam's thoughts livin in the Shire. If I were the director, I would recapture the moments from the whole trilogy and hav Galadriel sayin stuff like 'So marked the end of the third age of Middle-Earth, and the whole Middle-Earth reigned in peace' blah blah blah. But of coz, I wouldnt doubt Peter Jackson's decisions and ideas, I'm quite sure that was the fitting endin to an enormous trilogy the world has ever seen.

You know, I've been amazed by the general tactics of the riders of Rohan. When they attack, its the masses of Horses just homing inbound and just crushin everythin that comes in its way. They did that when the reinforcements came in the Battle of Helm's Deep in Two Towers and they did it again at Gondor. Its just so cool when the camera backs off a little to show two armies clashin against eachother and you see the horses just walking over the enemy.

The way that the dead soldiers of Gondor swept through the enemy was quite cool. haha, i was laughin at the part when one of the Uruk-Hai or an Orc was sayin 'Always late' or somethin n when Aragorn jumped out of the ship, the expression the Uruk-Hai portrayed... I was like, yea, yea!

I would give 7 stars out of 5 for the movie, but somewhere in my mind, I had expected for a much better one. I guess I had too much expectation for the finale. But it was already good enough, I have nothin to complain. Maybe I didnt feel the maximum effect coz we were sittin at like second row from the front. Yea, its only the fourth day, so cant say much, we went there around 1830 to find out 1830 and 1930 shows were sold out. then we queued up for the 2030 one, even that only has first few rows in the front available. but heck, we just took it. it was a lil better than when I watched Fellowship, where Paulina n I were sittin three rows from the front too. but that we really had to look up. Last night was better coz of inclinin seats, wasnt so bad for the neck.

The council guys ah... haha, lot of nonsense. Especially Kuan Sian, and why am I not surprised. He told us stuff bout the gay nite in the bar that he works at, the funny stuff that happened, n durin the movie, we would b crackin all sorts of shit. haha, i think the best of the night was when Legolas came in when Frodo finally woke up n he was goin like 'whoa, he's damn good lookin, what conditioner he use arh?' Eugene told us after the movie (those two went to the toilet n found two very nice seats furthur up in the theatre.. dammit..) we just burst out laughin like never before. I guess Liang Fu's head was quite interestin, the guys were makin fun of it like growin a plant in lower sec science. but it really looked like tt. Man, Liang Fu's combined injuries for Soccer and Rugby's real bad. my bodily pains must be peanuts compared to what he's feeling. gash on the face, horrible bruise by the clash wit Joshua, and that stitches on his head. and i thought my backache was bad.

managed to catch the last bus ride of 174 to make it safely home. man, yesterday was a real good day.

before i went in to the theatre, i saw this guy sellin the merchandise version of the one ring for 20++, i think i'll pop down and get that. it looks real nice. only prob, unlike the movie, its silver ring instead of gold. but its like so hard to get the actual replica, u can only get it on eBay now n thats already quite ex. settle for the best for now, its got the engravin n a holder that can glow like magma. worth it? i dont care, im gettin it. its the three best movies ive ever seen, and probably no movie will come close to matchin this spectacle. much like what my dad's generation went through wit the Star Wars trilogy.

What are the series we have seen in the recent years... Matrix, Harry Potter, Marvel comic-turned-into-movies, but only Matrix and LOTR actually continued one story from another. But i still think that they should hav left the Matrix alone and not make Reloaded and Revolutions. I think they did it purely for profit. Reloaded and revolutions complicated the story altogether. the first one gave a clear cut passage into such a brand new idea n concept n totally blew us off. that was enough. even to this day, the only point i like about the sequels are the high way scene and Zion's final battle. other than that, im not really impressed. on the other hand, im impressed by every single scene in the first one. i can recall scene by scene. god knows how many times ive watched that movie. esp the Neo Morpheus matchup and the lobby scene.

but that doesnt compare to the LOTR combined. thats just it. piece of history we all witnessed first hand. i dont really think anythin can come close to it unless some drastic entertainment technological advancement takes place in the near future that enables us to be surrounded by the movie, givin us 360 degrees view of the battle scene, that of course, someone decided to enhance the already impressive LOTR battle scene. but even if that were to take place, i think we would all b like 70 or 80 n probably might die from heart attack coz the battle scene is too breathtaking.

yes but for now n for next 20 or 30 years (I hope), Lord of The Rings hail this modern-earth (be it left-earth or right-earth, whatever Lionel...)

not that its so important or what, but i realised few days ago that i have only about 7 more months til my teenage years end. yes, for those who didnt know, im a yr overaged. so that means im hittin 20 next yr. im not really so much bothered to be 20 or what, but teenage yrs r really the moment of fun n experience for everyone. everythin' gonna change from now on. sigh. next thin i know, im worryin bout entering the 30s. then the 40s, n so on.

my whole body aches now. well, i mean how could i not, after playin a full 90 mins of soccer in a standard sized field tt was nothin but water n mud. n yea, i played while i was unfit. juz recovered from flu, not been excersizin, not at match-fit, condition, blah blah blah. im not even a pro, so im not gonna come up wit execuses. anyway, the thing abt yesterday was tt every step u took splashed mud on ur body. but tt didnt matter. wat mattered is when u try to kick or clear the ball in the defensive area, the ball travelled for less than a metre n juz stuck there. im the first one to admit tt i conceded at least 4 goals coz of that. never really got used to realisin how i could get the ball out of the area. its so irritatin when by usual condition tt kick would hav got the ball way out to the safety zone, u juz feed the ball indirectly (actually directly, but its the same in this case) to the opposin striker for a clear goal. ah well, its all in the name of fun. we had a nice time ultimately, even though we were thrashed like 11-3? heh, bunch of school kids against hoades of guys who are currently in NS, which means very very very fit. Ernest was like runnin from his defence all the way to attack several times n he didnt seem a bit tired. i was like.... wtf. i went up couple of times durin the 2nd half, clearin the ball to the side n dartin along (which wasnt as muddy, so easier to dribble) n feed a long pass to Ervin, which worked fantastically, but alas, as fate would hav it, our attack was all over the place but in the penalty zone.

i think everyone would agree that we would hav preferred to play on a normal field, which allowed the ball to at least bounce n roll. i juz cant stop grinnin when i think abt the match, coz it was really hilarious the way we would think we passed or kicked the ball n it would stop like a quarter way of its intended path.

i need to start running n get my fitness back. its amazin how i actually lasted the whole match yesterday. maybe i pushed myself too much, that explains for the bodily ache. i felt like i had arthritis after the match coz my back was in immense pain. i couldnt really sleep last nite. i actually was awake to see Lem's message at 3 in the mornin coz she forgot who the winner of the Amazin Race was n she kept thinkin bt it tt she couldnt sleep.

i think this is the first time i played the whole match for the Council. Durin my sec 3 days, i used to play full match quite often, but since then, ive been gettin injured often durin the match. ive been collidin, sufferin harsh tackles on my shin n my tigh tt cause me to limp rather than run. but i kinda ignored the pain n played yesterday. i guess the mud helped in a sense tt it didnt make the playin surface too hard for normal play. had we played on normal field, i dont think i would hav played the whole match.

im real thirsty after shoutin n all durin the match n the fact tt i juz recovered from the flu. i juz hope i wont hav to suffer dry throat again. i hate tt feelin. n somehow, pieces of skin in my mouth are torn n raw.

finally gonna watch Return of The King wit wats remainin of the Council. cant wait. my brother has gone to watch wit his friends earlier on already. Ive watched each episode wit different friends who's been very special to me for the past 2 to 3 yrs. I watched Fellowship wit Paulina. Hazril could have joined us, but he had somethin on that day or somethin. Besides he had already watched it wit his sis. Two Towers was wit Marc n Koustav. N the last one will be wit my Council mates. Gonna b quite memorable, aside from the amazement of LOTR.

Final Score from The Valley;
Charlton Athletic 0

Newcastle United 0

Blah, a bore draw. but it puts us on level terms at 4th place. at least for today.

k so two confirmed dates to keep in mind for admission results.

29th Feb for Penn State U - Univ. Park
31st March for Univ. of California - Berkeley, Los Angeles and San Diego.

damn i really need to meet Mr. Mannan for the transcripts.

now, lemme go back to the four schs im workin on now...

i always thought this particular song was interesting. not quite the kind of lyrics or music u expect from a group like Goo Goo Dolls. but juz read the lyrics and i'll leave u to think about it. i think i posted this lyrics b4, but wat the heck, i kinda like it, ill post it once again.

Acoustic #3

"They painted up your secrets
With the lies they told to you
And the least they ever gave you
Was the most you ever knew

And I wonder where these dreams go
When the world gets in your way
What's the point in all this screaming
No one's listening anyway

Your voice is small and fading
And you hide in here unknown
And your mother loves your father
Cause she's got nowhere to go

And she wonders where these dreams go
Cause the world got in her way
What's the point in ever trying
Nothing's changing anyway

They press their lips against you
And you love the lies they say
And I tried so hard to reach you
But you're falling anyway

And you know I see right through you
Cause the world gets in your way
What's the point in all this screaming
You're not listening anyway"

a very weird dream...

u noe one of those dreams u hav n u wake up n go 'huh'? yea had tt one last nite.

usually, its like, damn, it was only a dream, or hmm, interestin. but this one, was like, real confusin.

i cant remember too much of the details, but i remember those imp bits n all.

its either i was out wit the council or clique. coz i remember iskie n chia how there. we were out, mayb watchin return of the king or somethin. (ive yet to catch tt IRL) we're juz hangin around, then the three of us decide to go to the toilet or somethin. so we head somewhere, then suddenly we take our steps faster, goin goin goin, till i cant even recognise where we r headed. then i see students in blazer around, i thought they were NJC students or somethin, then i start seein sec sch ppl also n all. im already like, hmmm.. then i get a call from a friend (i cant remember anymore) then i pick up, i say hello, but theres no reply. i say hello again, then theres a faint voice comin back, i try to increase the volume, but doesnt really help. then i keep sayin, erm, is someone there? then i take a look at the phone screen, it says Hazril (Home). i realise its a girl's voice, so i tot its either Hazril's gf or his mom. but i still cant deduce who it is. then suddenly it becomes clear. someone's like,
'sorry, but im gonna b a lil late. can u wait?'
then im like, huh? im supposed to meet someone? then im like askin, '
erm, wait, im confused.'
i take the phone off my ear n look at the screen; "Iliza."

ILIZA? who the hell's tt? i dun noe a iliza, let alone eliza. then, in the dream, i suddenly realise im supposed to hav dinner wit this girl at hv around 8. i wasnt sure where i was, but i know, its quite far from hv. then i tell her
'damn, im so sorry, i totally forgot bt it. im quite far away from hv now. if i go home n head to hv, it'll take around an hour.'
she keeps quiet. i ask her 'hey, i know, im real sorry, i dunno how i could forgot, but ill try my very best to make it there as fast as possible ok?'
still no reply. 'hey, u there? reply?' then she finally goes, 'yea....' n theres tt silence through the line.

all i could tell, iliza is quite an attractive person, in my dream, it was like those tv split screen, half is her, half is me, but i cant remember how she looks like anymore. but i know she was quite attractive, mayb i could add tt she might hav been hot. but tts not the point.

so im like in a hassle, i dunno wat to say or do. i remember tt im supposed to b home, tryin to help my relatives catch their flight. but on the other hand, i promised this person i dunt know tt im supposed to meet her for a dinner.

ok, first of all, i dont know any iliza. who's named like iliza nowadays? isnt it supposed to b eliza? or elysa? i dunno. second, if she was a stranger, the number would appear on my hp instead of her name, which means i actually know this person. i mean yea, since i recognised her n knew bt the promise or a dinner, i better.

yea... but its merely a dream. but a very weird dream at tt.

guess ive not been updatin lately.. couple of reasons y...

1. im writing up essays for Cornell, UPenn, Carnegie Mellon and Illinois-UB.

yea, its taking quite a bit of time now. but more or less its almost done, juz waitin for my cousin to edit or my dad will do it if she cant. im not sure if everythin will b ready by 31st jan, but hope everythin works out well. next few weeks gonna b quite crucial coz i'll hav 4 more schs to settle within 2 wks. (USC, UMass, GIT, etc) dammn....

2. im done wit a flu.

not the influenze tts been spreadin out, dont worry, i got my shot for tt. seems my bro picked it up from his tutor, then got passed to me or somethin. i can detect my flu simply, coz i get this dry patch on my throat, then tt happens, i know im gonna b feverish soon. so i got my usual med from the doc, so its a lil better now.

3. my relatives r over.

yep yep, its been quite nice havin em over, since im basically rottin at home doin them essays n stuff, so been talkin to cousin n its been real fun.


4. ive started playin SNES again!

oh man, i got tt old machine out of the box like, wat, after 6 yrs? haha, that machien's so outdated sinc ethe says of sega saturn n playstation. but theres this game tt i didnt really get to complete then, which is dragon quest v, (it was the kinda of definin moment in 92, 93, like wat ff7 durin the 96 n 97) its v hooky, n ive been playin it ever since.

yea... its been real fun these few days n yea, been neglectin my blog for these few reasons.

hope u guys r havin fun...

Final Score from St. James' Park;
Newcastle United 4
Laurent Robert (35th & 55th)
Alan Shearer (59th & 66th)

Tottenham Hotspurs 0

Woohooo!! YEAH! Shearer scores his 100th goal at St. James' Park, Newcastle climbs to 5th spot, one pt behind 4th placed Fulham (hope they dont win tonight) and everythin's goin so well! Boy, everyone have to see the two rockets that Robert fired, both from well outside the penalty box and a good volley too. And to think that he just came back from injury to fire those two massive shots is indeed impressive. Shearer remains the top scorer in the league with 15 goals, which means he has scored 60% of Newcastle's goals in the Premier League.

Just wonderful. Heh, if Ms. Chong is seeing this, she must be mad at me, yet again.

HOWAY THE LADS!

Ahh... I suddenly feel like 'Here Is Gone'... that warm, free and serene feeling... just love it.

'Here Is Gone' by Goo Goo Dolls
You and I got something
But it's all and then it's nothing to me
And I got my defenses
When it comes to your intentions for me
And we wake up in the breakdown
Of the things we never thought we could be

I'm not the one who broke you
I'm not the one you should fear
What do you got to move you darling
I thought I lost you somewhere
But you were never really ever there at all

Chorus:
And I want to get free talk to me
I can feel you falling
And I wanted to be all you need
Somehow here is gone

I have no solution
To the sound of this pollution in me
And I was not the answer
So forget you ever thought it was me

I'm not the one who broke you
I'm not the one you should fear
What do you got to move you darling
I thought I lost you somewhere
But you were never really ever there at all

Chorus

And I don't need the fallout of all the past
That's here between us
And I'm not holding on
And all your lies weren't enough to keep me here

Chorus

And I want to get free talk to me
I can feel you falling
I know it's out there
I know it's out there
I can feel you falling
I know it's out there
I know it's out there
Somehow here is gone

Yea, especially that part right above... just keeps ringin in my head...

hmmm, the most interestin essay question ive come across so far. most universities are like, 'what do you think you will bring into the campus life?' or 'why did you choose to study the course of your choice?' and 'tell us about your background that distinguishes you from the rest' and stuff. standard, boring, etc. but now now, University of Pennsylvania has this particular question that shone out of the accompanying two (see, i'm supposed to choose one topic out of the three)
"You have just completed a 300 page autobiography. Submit page 217."
Ahhh... yea, you're looking at an essay topic that is required of an Ivy League University. Hmm, I guess that says a lot about the expectations of an Ivy already, non? Okay, somehow, I have to, I must finish the three essays by this weekend. Before my aunt's family come over. Then i can chill for little more. I've been too relaxed n lenient wit myself lately. Then, hit the essays again wit four more. Then im more or less done for the January deadlines.

Alicia Key's new single "You Don't Know My Name" is so damn nice!

Urghhh!!!

I've already spent (ok, not me, but my dad) US$215 for application fees and I'm like only done with 6 of em. 11 more to go!!! one of it (CM) is more or less complete, just editing, that is more or less tied up. jeez, all these for having the freedom of choice in April.

Read the paper this morning bt US Education? Most of my schools tt im applyin to are listed, that proves I made the right choices, but at the same time, im worried, coz other Singaporeans r tryin to get into the very unis tt i want to get into, which might make my prelim transcripts appear like shit. oh wait, im not international candidate. so i guess tt doesnt matter? but the transcripts still will. sigh.

been doin lotsa stuff lately.

oh, i finally have CM 03-04!!!! woohoo. gonna play my arse off. started new game already, wit all the english leagues, plus the top divisions of spain, italy, germany and france. i think i should hav added holland n scotland. hmmm, i'll see how this game goes first. I took charge of Hereford. the squad only has like 20 players (i mean the whole club) but i think i like to work wit it tt way. gotta sort out the finances first, before i took over, it was already 200 quid over the wage budget. i might hav to kick someone out in order to maintain the budget. damn it, this team doesnt even hav an assistant manager. but then, there r no playable players in the reserves n the under-19s, so i dont hav to worry too much. lets see whether i will emulate my magnificent form wit Farnborough which saw me jump in managerial ladders to 1st div wit man city in juz 2 yrs. nah, this is tougher, it wont happen so easily. but i wanna play like in all divisions step by step. most likely, once im up there in the top league, i wont come back to manage in lower league. lets go Bulls!! (hereford's nickname)

yea, then Marc left... ive been through all the way wit tt guy man. first friend i made in SA, since we were in the same OG, i became the OG rep, him, the assistant. he never changed, still the same as day 1. haha. yea, then we both stayed on, joined the council, kept bein friends coz we both hanged around wit the same ppl, till the end. i think i might still b wit him, since there is quite a big possibility tt he might go to US. if he goes to CA n if i do too, yea baby!! but he's been one heck of a guy. v comical, funny, creative, artistic, dumb, joker, aiii, the list can go on! til the last moment, he remained the person we all knew. haha, him rushin to the gates when his flight was on last call. its juz him, i wasnt too surprised. haha. all the best dude!

supposedly things were happenin then tt i found out later. not too pleasant. but i got myself to blame, i suppose i did certain things unknowningly. wait, no, knowingly, but i wasnt aware of the consequences. but things r settling out, i juz gotta admit it n apologise. things like this happen, i shouldnt get too hot headed n react, it'll only cause more damage. so im doin the best i can by backin off n juz stop the whole mess. i was rather pissed coz ive never really been the trouble maker n all, since certain incidents early this yr. but then inadvertedly things happened. ah well, juz gotta handle it properly.

hmmm, i was listenin to a lot of techno-score-orchestra kinda stuff wit the juno reactor music, well, as i would hav guessed, my choice of music is turnin around yet another corner again. now im lookin for real jazz rap songs. dunno wat im talkin bt? try these songs; Warren G "I Want It All", A Tribe Called Quest "We've Got (The Jazz)", The Roots "The Hypnotic" "The Next Movement" "You Got Me" and Will Smith "Just Cruisin". Yea, after those songs, you should get wat i mean. Real hiphop/rap but not wit those mainstream background music. juz soft rap tt u can listen at night n stuff. rare kind, but there r number of em. The Roots and A Tribe Called Quest r the best example, but im lookin for more.

Oh while walkin around the other day, after buyin CM 03-04, I bumped into this gorgeous person. North Indian, I'm very sure. That kind that doesnt exactly look North Indian, but more East European? We exchanged some glances, but bein the person (prick) that I am, I just walked off after that. Heh. Blown chance? Yea right, like I'll ever stand a shot. But its juz me, I've never been good at pickin girls up for short talk n all, n I dont think I'll ever be. Oh just lemme put it straight right here right now, contrary to the popular belief that others actually think im hot wit the ladies, well, im not. i mean, i never got to sweet talk, never got someone's number right off the street, never enchanted someone, u get the drift. some said im such a waste of good looks. heh, im sorry la. i juz was never like tt ok? i mean it says enough by the fact tt ive never been attached n all, so yea, point stated. i'll definately come across many wonderful ladies in the next few yrs, esp tt im goin to US uni later on, but dont bet on me pickin up some girls anytime soon. its not like i want to or anythin, juz quite sad tt i bump into some hot person n nothin happens, like wat i hear from friends, see in movies, read in bks, etc. ah well.

Chantille won! I was rather shocked Lisa got booted off first. I always thought it'll be a two-horse race between Lisa n Chantille. But yea, Chantille has charisma n the cute porceline look. v modelish. n for David, well, i guess tt justified y rachel hunter gave him a perfect score. im not bein racist but it would hav been quite interestin if Crystal had won to make both the hottest person Blacks. They talk about risin as a people often, well that would hav stated some point.

Watched Love Actually today. It was a v funny show! Makes u feel real soft n mellow. Keira Knightley looks so adorable yet again!!! I mean if I were the guy, I think I'll be filmin only her too. noticed she has this way of aligning her lips or jaws in this certain manner tt makes her face be able to express different gestures. i found tt v interestin. but overall, this movie is excellent. four and a half stars! they managed to piece together many different stories n somehow make a connection n gotta credit them for managin to do tt. n its was one of the very few movies tt actually made me feel v christmassy. u dont really get that in sg, but the scenes in the movie really made me feel it. snow, gifts, decors, etc. v nice.

ok, i think i said quite a lot of stuff now. gonna go sleep. my eyes r tired too.

Ahhh... Finally managed to catch Nelly Furtado's performance in Tonight's Show With Jay Leno last night. Jay Leno's hilarious, but when I heard him say Nelly was gonna come on, I was saying 'Yes!!!'

I totally love Nelly Furtado. Yea, there are so many critics of her, but isnt that like the same with any artists? Being a fan of hers, I do admit, her style of singing is rather off main-stream; she isnt a gd singer. but hey, thats if u view her from the mainstream. but she isnt mainstream, so dont judge her like that. her songs are one of a kind, Portuguese, Hiphop and folk influence. But have u read her lyrics? They are poetry. As a songwriter, i think she's one of the best, if not, the best, around. She mixes personal experiences and thoughts, blends them with her unique heritage and comes up with a masterpiece. Its almost magic. And thats what I love her primarily for. She has a new album, after giving birth to a girl, and the new single's lyrics are, not surprisingly, good.

Powerless (Say What You Want)

Paint my face in your magazines
Make it look whiter than it seems
Paint me over with your dreams
Shove away my ethnicity
Burn every notion that I may have a flame inside to fight
And say just what is on my mind
Without offending your might

Cuz this life is too short to live it just for you
But when you feel so powerless what are you gonna do
So say what you want
Say what you want

I saw her face outside today
Weatherworn, looking all the rage
They took her passion and her gaze and made a poster
Now it's moccasins we sport
We take the culture and contort
Perhaps only to distort what we are hiding

Cuz this life is too short to live it just for you
But when you feel so powerless what are you gonna do
But say what you want
Say what you want

Hey you, the one outside, are you ever gonna get in, get in
Hey you, the one that don't fit in, how ya, how ya gonna get in
Hey you, the one outside, are you ever gonna get in with your
Broken teeth, broken jaw, broken mojo
Yeah, this life is too short to live it just for you
But when you feel so powerless, what are you gonna do

Cuz this life is too short to live it just for you
But when you feel so powerless, what are you gonna do

Final Score from St. James' Park;
Newcastle United 1
Alan Shearer (63rd, pen)

Liverpool 1
Danny Murphy (6th)

man... terrible terrible. NUFC were horrible in first half. second half, liverpool was lucky not to lose, but NUFC's attack was so weak! cant even shoot properly! arrghh... but second half was so intense. v entertaining second half.

but Newcastle's offence suck... o wait, i forgot the defence too.

k someone help me out.

im learnin the loop for C++ n im v confused. so someone help me understand this segment.

#include
int main ( ) {
int x, y, z;
for ( x = 1; x <=3; x++ ) {
for ( y = 1; y < 3; y++ ) {
if ( y == 2 )
break;
for (z = 1; z < 3; z++) {
cout << x << " " << y;
cout << " " << z << endl;
}
}
}
return 0;
}

k, in blogger, its not comin out like it should be. damn it. it wont display properly.

im practically blastin the fuck outta my head wit juno reactor.

yea, u know, the part-gregorian, part-orchestra like, part score, part very techno n electronica music we always hear in any of the matrix movies?

yea. i detest techno. but juno reactor blends score n electronica well. its almost as if when im listen to them, you're reaching this higher level of peacefulness.

try these couple of songs; Mona Lisa Overdrive (yea, the ever-famous background music in Reloaded's much talked about highway scene), Navras (the ending credit song in Revolutions), Neodammerung (the final battle music) and many more in the soundtrack.

wat do u call the ppl singin like the greek or roman catholic chants? gospel choir? they sound real gd. tts my favourite part of these songs.

uh, im juz damn tired. so much more work to do. when is this gonna end...

Yea... so Prom was over yesterday.

somehow, it didnt turn out as gd as i expected. was rather dull, all we did was to look gd, eat little n take tons of photo.

a lot of ppl were bemused at the selection of prom king n queens but i guess the winners are suitable choices. so thumbs up to our prom king, Jacob and prom queen Wendy! Very appropriate winners if u ask me, although dozen of people we know should at least have been nominated. but yea, thats the way it goes.

yea, u all know me, im not clubbin person, and y the fuck would i wanna waste money when im neither gonna drink nor dance rite? hoped to juz chill out at a pub or pool place, but everywhere we went, it didnt seem to work out (devils bar minimum age 23 for guys? WTH? pool place next to hard rock charges like 14/hr CRAZY, supposedly 24 hr theatre is not 24 hr but only on fri n sat, how stupid is tt?) yea, so we were like walkin around orchard at 1 to 2 in the morning, tryin to find some place where we can juz chill out, turns out we couldnt.

but i saw a lot of scene tt i never saw b4 (yea, i mean coz i CANT go out in the middle of the night coz of my dad) but two scenes i didnt expect to see. a malay couple arguin damn louldy near hard rock, seems over some third party, i swear i tot the guys were gonna come in blows, and the transexuals near thai embassy beatin the hell out of some guy who passed a comment to them n all. it was hilarious, but eye opening. didnt know singapore had these stuff goin on, i tot it was only obvious in NYC.

but yea, ultimately, went back to hotel room, juz as our initial plan was. everythin was alrite until the clubbin ppl came back, coz then we had to really worry bt not gettin kicked out of our room coz of excessive noise n all. zhengwei's roommates were asked to leave, n so did our dear councillors later in the morning. i was scared shit when only few seconds after we entered our room, the manager came to juz warn us. but we were lucky.

but seriously, if u go clubbin, control urself. its juz plain stupid to be wastin not only ur time but of those around u. y, y u wanna do all tt shit for. its so fuckin troublesome. i mean, juz think, dont get urself into too much shit, wat for?

yea, so after playin one gigantic monopoly session which was the biggest exchanges of powers ive ever seen. fatigue gave way n i ultimately lost to Koustav. ah well.

yea, so i only slept like for 2 hrs, so im real tired. n the room was so messy. sigh.

n i juz finished fillin up USC, Georgia Tech and finished up UIUC application.

argh. im so fuckin tired n stressed. i need to chill. goo goo dolls, massive attack n juno reactor where are you....

blah...

havent been updatin lately.

sorry, i've been either doing; C++ programming, filling up university applications (Purdue, PSU and UIUC are done! just essays to be added), goin to sentosa, puttin together a whack 1000 piece puzzle, goin over to friends place till late at night, etc

so much tt im too tired to log in n blog at 1 or 2 in the morning.

n i gotta go now again...

enjoyin the hols fellas? coz i am.

ooh... this is cool.

Oh, I started to learn C++. its one of the many programming languages. since im goin into the computer field n comp engin, elec engin (com) and comp sci will expect its students to know basic C++ and java, i thought i get myself a headstart so things would b easy for me later. hey, i got 10 months, i better put em into gd use.

but anyway, ive only did two chapters on bk 1 (there r 7 bks) n ive learnt so much. some useless keys on the keyboard actually has a purpose u know! i learnt a lot of shortcuts, so tt i hardly need to use the mouse to get to certain parts of the source codes n all.

k, im already confusin u guys yes? well, since ive got nothin much to do, this will keep me occupied aside from the uni stuff.

yeah...~

phew...

finally managed to settle University of California applications. I was panicking coz the server was so slow, it didnt even let me access to the login page. i seriously thought i missed the deadline or somethin coz the link was missing n all. then, i managed to find it, but it took 5 mins to open up whatever the next page was. i was so scared coz i didnt wanna lose out on not applying. from morning, i was somehow tryin to work out the stuff n finally managed to settle it by 6 o clock. then my dad was lookin at it, after submitting it. he saw couple of errors that i couldnt change anymore. then he looked at me in a way like, why did u submit when there r mistakes. man, if i knew the mistakes i would hav changed it rite? y would i wanna deprive my own chance of getting into a gd sch? i mean i cant do anything now, the whole day was such a hassle, its too much of a headache to handle already.

oh well, hope it goes alrite. at least get me in San Diego. LA n Berkeley's competitive enough, those are juz wild darts thrown, just in case one of them hits something.

so, Berkeley, UCLA, UC San Diego and Marquette are done. 13 more to apply to. sheesh. they didnt even ask for councillor report nor transcript for UC schools, so im worried that they might hav asked for it somewhere else that i didnt come across. i hope thats not the case. as for marquette, they asked, i juz need to get in touch wit mr mannan. k, so the next deadline is 1st Jan. four schools to settle, Carnegie Mellon (regular, application very near complete), Cornell, University of Illinois at Urbana-Chamopaign, University of Pennsylvania. Oh, Pennsylvania State University's application is rolling, that means first come, first served basis. better settle that soon.

Final Score from Molineux Stadium;
Wolverhampton Wanderers 1
Nathan Blake (26th)

Newcastle United 1
Alan Shearer (30th)

YEAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!!!!

THE GCE 'A' LEVELS ARE OVER!!!

Jeezz... we spend like 2 years just to sit for that god darn thing.

Can you all believe it? I don't have to study until September 2004. That's almost 10 MONTHS!!!! Whoa.. well, if u ask me, its a well deserved break, since I've not had proper break nor holiday since my JC life kickstarted. All the accumulation is finally here to be spent! But then, what am I gonna do now...??

Well, one goal accomplished, that is to sit for the A Levels.

Next mission? apply to all the universities by end of December. Then my REAL holiday begins where I dont have to worry about anything, n tt i mean by nothing. Filling up application is easy, but unlike in Singapore where grades make the final cut, in U.S., its the applicaition essays that make the final say, even if your grades are like shit. So i still can hav a gd shot at gd schs.

This is my plan for the next couple of years.

If I get into lower-ranked college,
----> Mug damn hard, then I'll accumulate high GPA so that I can transfer to Ivy League or other established institutions to complete my major.

If I go to excellent university,
----> work hard to maintain standard and plan towards a probable double major, or try to consolidate so that I can do M.B.A. after finishing my major.

Whichever way, I'm looking at possible US$60,000/yr (most probably around US$55,000 I think) for my salary when I get a job. Man, that's a lot. If I do M.B.A. at some major unis, that can shoot up to near US$95,000. Thats more than enough for young employee like me. Yep, that's my new goal now that exams are done. N this is like a 4 yr/6 yr plan, so i can work around problems and all.

yes yes, such interesting times ahead. Hope my applications go well.

but for now, lemme just go out as much as i want!!!! I just wanna enjoy...

Final Score from St. James' Park;
UEFA Cup 2nd Round 2nd Leg
Newcastle United 1
Boris Smiljanic (14th. O.G.)

FC Basle 0
Newcastle United progress to 3rd Round on aggregate score 4-2

oh boy... haha, i knew phy p5 is bad, but didnt expect it to be this bad. interesting question, but cant answer, so wats the pt. haha.

worse of all, i put in some weird formula, which is to calculate tension in the string by using elasticity, T=EAx/L when we hardly use that kinda formula. haha, all that was needed was average force x extension, since F was not proportional to x. damn damn.

but i think it'll b ok, n ok i mean as in 5 mks or so, which is the rumoured average that A levels candidates scores in singapore.

ah wat the heck, i still hav my p3 tomorrow. but 'realistically' speaking, i think enough damage has been done already. i might not get the A i'm aiming for. i hav to start to prepare myself for a huge possibility of gettin a B. ah well. that disappoints me, but u know, i didnt work so hard for it, so its not like i deserve it anyway. besides, it wont make much diff.

man, im gettin hooked to charmed again. used to watch season 1 n 2 n lost interest, but started watchin since the baby episode. quite comical n bimbotic now. haha.

oh, i received this brochure of University of Southern California School of Engineering. ITS SO DAMN COOL. they portray their programs like so prestigeous n all, n lookin at where their grads work (3Com, Intel, Microsoft, Qualcomm, Hewlett-Packard, IBM, etc) im really temped to go there if by chance i get accepted. plus, this uni has this option where u can choose ur major as undeclared engineering, and spend few months learnin all the different engineering courses offered before decidin which one you wanna do. i think i want that, coz at times, i feel like doin mechanical engineerin or electrical engin and at times, chem engin also. i think thats the best way to choose ur final major.

my dad was like lookin through this pile of paper which were actually resumes of people trying to work in Kyocera. didnt know my dad was also in charge of choosin who the company should hire. i mean, this on top of all the travelling, 2nd in charge of asia pacific, etc u know.. man, its definately more tougher than wat we're doing. yea, so while learnin from him how he handles these cases, i was so surprised to learn how the process was. heh, imagine ure applying for some jobs, you spend like 2 or 3 hours to make the resume all perfect, all it takes is a minute or two, 5 if u're lucky, to get ur resume tossed aside, like it never was sent. All my dad looks for is where you got your degree/diploma from, how many years of working experience, number of jobs prior to applying, current salary and age. n all these people write all this elaborate detail of wat they can do n etc etc, but my dad looks at them for few seconds like it doesnt even matter. but he's been doin this for a long time, he knows the general pattern, so he adopted his own way of looking through resumes. man. i would feel so angered n sad if somethin im spendin like a lot of time on gets tossed within juz few mins. but thats the way it is, since there r so many applicants. but in some ways, its quite efficient too. coz those key areas are the most important information you need. you dun wanna hire people who're above 40, coz those will say they are experienced n try to do things their own way n not be open to alternate ways which the company practices. or if he's a fresh grad, he might not even b able to compose one simple draft of a letter, since thats not part of wat he studied. you also dont wanna hire those who job-hop a lot, you never know when he's hoppin to another place. you dont wanna hire those whose previous salary's above ur budget, coz theyll definately expect more than their previous salary (thats why they're applyin, rite?) n final, but most importantly, where u got ur education. generally, n i repeat generally, coz i hav strong views on this issue, but yea, generally u'd wanna hire those who r academically qualified. i know for a fact n i believe academic record doesnt speak much when u go to the real working world n im certain. n yes, my dear A level takers, even my dad seems to prefer diploma holders than university grads. u know why... we're chao-muggers... they're chao-hands on. yea, i always had a prob wit tt, but thats the way UNCLE MOES (UNiversity of Cambridge Local Examination syndicate-Ministry Of Education, Singapore) expect us to do rite?

sad, sad. its things like these that really makes me happy knowing i wont suffer this as im goin overseas. but i bet there are problems yet unseen when i go there. i guess i'll know there n then. hope i secure a job in some major MNCs. then i can travel and earn considerably a lot too.

i started counting down today. right now, about 18 hours and 45 mins to go....

Eid Mubarak to Muslim readers...

The day didnt turn out as bad as i expected. i actually went to three places, above all, to three close friends' places, so it was better than nothing. Went to mosque to pray as usual, was quite irritated by my so-called 'countrymen', who were talking so loudly when we're supposed to keep quiet n listen to the priest talk. ah well, let them be today.

around 1, i went over to one of my gd friend, Nafis' place. Everytime i go to Nafis' place, I try to meet my sec schmate, Jennifer Sau, who's now in CJC, since she lives opposite Nafis. Since we dont get to meet that often, i use it as a chance to get updated on eachother. turns out, she's having supp paper tomorrow, so couldnt get to see her. ah well, im havin phy paper too n it'll b over. one day in december, I'll try to meet that old Queensway Drama people before i leave for good... Nicholas, Lorraine, Jennifer and Joshua. Wait, Josh's gone to Aussie already... damn... yea, so i was eating n at the same time, amusing Nafis' cute cousin. She is like a pure doll. i hid her wrist bands and she giggled and just took them out of my hands n tried to hide them so that i wouldnt b able to get them. Yea, then Nafis was tellin me bout his post O's stuff and how he has planned mostly everything out for his upcoming JC life. since he's an ACS (I) boy, its natural for him to go to ACJC. but he's the very outgoin n fun guy, he's gonna hav so much fun.

then went over to Chahat's place. i was rather surprised she doesnt remember parts of A Levels at all! haha, since PJC didnt teach her p5 tactics at all, i helped her fill in on certain key points, the obvious stuff to score marks. hope she does well, she does really seem to have short term memory. haha, wonder how her chem is when she has that kinda deficiency.

Then went over to Shuvro's place. That was a load of fun. His mom, his elder bro and others all sat down and were talkin a lot of crap and it was funny crap, so it was alrite. Everytime i go to his place, somehow feels like its one place u can stay for long long time and not feel it, coz everyone seems to be able to talk about everything.

yea, then got back, and continued studyin for p5. some tricky stuff i realised, but thank god i didnt miss them out. sometimes the obvious doesnt seem to come up to our head. so always remember this. KISS - Keep It Simple, Stupid. a gd tactic to work during debates, public speaking and now, physics. so true.

i think ive more or less got post exam plans mapped out for the first week at least. right after phy p3 on thurs, hopefully, we'll go out for movie, then stay over at maddie's place, n there's a Newcastle game on at 3 in the morning, so watch that, rush to home in friday morning, coz Dell guy's comin over to fix the PC, then got Chahat's birthday party. Sat, most prob tie up prom stuff and try to meet Hazril. Maybe come soccer too! Then quality time with my mates Junli and Junwen. By die die latest, must submit University of California applications by monday morning, if that hasnt been done by then, and if i managed to get CM 03-04 by then, start the addiction! at the same time, need to start filling up other university applications and essays. I think that will take up much of tuesday. then wednesday will b prom, so afternoon all hassle at the hotel. wonderful night, then probably go clubbing, play monopoly in the hotel room in the morning, see wat we can do from there on, probably walk around n catch another movie. man, that seems so hectic. like enjoying full time. no time for anything else.

ooh, n im lookin so forward to it. two more days, come on Cambridge!

damn, didnt really get to study as much as i wanted over the weekend. n tomorrow's hari raya. i wouldnt feel the joy tt i felt last yr, when i fasted every single day, since this yr i only fasted for at most 6 days. ah well.

I think its disguise in blessing that the physics paper is in the afternoon, i can still conjure up some studyin before that. n furthermore, its p5. cant really do much, that means more time to prep for p3. which is gonna b ok, i hope.

talked to hazril after a long long time last night. man, i havent talked to him in proper since my birthday. thats how much stuff ive been doin. hopefully ill get to meet him one day next week and catch up on a lot of stuff. i wanna tell him so much stuff ive not been gettin the chance to. i felt really gd after talkin to him last nite, since theres this way about the way he talks that makes me feel completely understood. we're gonna go out a lot like we used to after this week.

im finally gettin my pc repaired this fri. tt means ill lose all my videos, mp3s n certain files. ah well, they can b downloaded again. but will b waste of time. nvm. its gd since first thing i'll buy will be championship manager 03/04. woohoo. gonna play so much i tell ya. work my way from south africa to australia, then to japan, mexico, argentina and finally to the big four of europe. time wont be a issue anymore, haha. cool stuff. i was rather surprised when kim told me tt she too used to play CM before. haha. its a joy when u see ur team succeed. its so addictive.

all's gd... all's gd...

I feel very enchanted today.

I went for the wedding of Mr. Adrian Chan who was my ex-council teacher at SAJC. Everything was just so perfect. The place, the ceremony, the atmosphere, man, too many things to mention. wat i can say is this, its the best wedding ive attended. period.

im continuously amazed by the holiness of catholic weddings. ive so far been to three of them, and in each wedding, im able to observe, as a total outsider, the whole procession. it seems very divine as well. and the way everyone participates and contributes to the whole ceremony was juz so impressive.

the place, my. it was at Church of St. Mary's of the Angels. the place was very new and it looked like some research facility by design, but once u step inside, it was a totally different place altogether. the seats and the architecture was designed in such a way it resembled a conference hall, yet, had that edge about it. n in the centre hung up was this yet another impressive sculpture of jesus. it looked very authentic and priceless piece of art, i tell ya.

i probably shouldnt be saying all these, because of my own religion, but i cant hide my amazement at everything. it was that nice. actually i dont care wat code of conduct im 'supposed' to obey as a Muslim. these were things that fascinate u, interest you and move you. i was actually contemplating my own possibilities of being involved in this kinda of thing and trying to picture wat it would be like. it was that good.

i realised that i hav this sense of appreciation for these holy ceremonies. i would really like to see how these things are carried out in the traditional greek way. i think it would be much better. for some time, ive been takin note of the details of roman catholic procedings and all. the extricate details and all r v interesting. my my, haha, wat am i doing.

but it was really nice today. i feel so enlightened and all. makes me look forward to seeing another ceremonies like this.

All the best for the future, the newly wedded Mr and Mrs Adrian and Melissa Chan.

Final Score from St. James' Park;
Newcastle United 3
Shola Ameobi (56th)
Alan Shearer (76th & 84th)

Manchester City 0

Yep, top 6 for now. Good progress but entering December, its pretty much clear there wont be any changes in the top 3. So the best Newcastle can continue playing for is another shot at the Champions League Qualifying by achieving 4th place. That's still a reasonable goal, since they aren't so far away. I mean, its nuts, its merely half the season and the difference between 3rd place and 4th place is like 9 pts. Not only do the top 3 have to lose 3 matches, but the gap can only be closed if the nearest teams also manage to win all that 3 matches when the top ones lose. Very low chances of that happening.

Yesterday's Rugby World Cup was so intense. Never have I seen such a tight match, where victory was practically wide open to both teams. Less than half a minute to regulation time, Australia equalises. Less than few seconds left to extra time, Wilkinson scores a drop goal. That was cheeky, but I guess that was required to win the game. He could have risked losing the game, which he wouldnt want to. But that was so exciting. But then again, its the World Cup, so those kinda things are expected.

o forgot to mention, seems lord of the rings marathon's sold out.

expected la, i mean so few theatres participating. one time slot somemore.

how guys? go somewhere to watch the DVD n then go for return of the king?

we got all the time in the world to decide after thursday.

Woo Woo...

I think phy went quite well. made some errors, as usual. i always end up in a mental conflict where i compare the facts and my logic. n end up writin down or pickin the wrong answer n discover afterwards. ah well, i think i can still rack up at least 40 for mcq n 60 for p2. my prac was quite bad, so really gotta master p3. i got few days to do tt, specialise in my stronger topics. haha, had it not been for my ignorance of definitions, i could hav racked up some more marks, but ah wat the heck, its done.
but if i do continue to make silly errors, i might miss out on an A by the smallest of margin. i calculated juz now, addin up my probable scores. tt scared me. i want, i must and i will get an A for phy. juz hope i dont make too many mistakes for p3. everythin rests on tt one.

somehow i cant believe im left wit only two more papers. 3.5 hrs more. design prac, cant do much, p3, is like, simpler than p2. yea yea yea. o i realised imy A's are total of 25 hrs not 24. take tt wit the SATs, i sat for 31 hrs of exams in the past almost 2 months. wat a waste of time.

cant wait for thursday. dunno wats the first thing im gonna do, but juz wanna get it over wit asap.

n i juz remembered. damn. after my A's end, i hav three days to finalise University of California applications and send them in. that reminds me, i gotta call my uncle.

Guys guys! attention!

wonderful news. singapore is havin the lord of the rings marathon afterall. read in life section this morning tt the tickets can b booked online from midnight today. lets all get together n go for it! four theatres participating. cathay, eng wah, Shaw n GV. the day starts off at 9 in the mornin, wit extended version of fellowship, then two towers n cap it off wit the premiere of return of the king at 6. cathay will offer free flow of popcorns throughout the day whereas eng wah will provide a free survival pack worth bt 20 bucks of food n drinks to last us the day.

dont u think its juz fantastic? but beware, for mentally strong ppl only. watchin 3 movies which r 3 hrs ++ each is a big deal. some might find it too borin, draggy, etc. so, recommended for hard core lotr fans only.

come council ppl, clique ppl as well as the others, lets go lets go! only prob, we will need someone's help to book the tickets. i dunno who could do tt. if any of u guys can help, do tell us!

weeee... this is like so experience of a lifetime. not really, but well, really a grand event, we cant deny tt.

will b great since everyone would hav been well done wit prom n partyin then. look forward to ur replies n suggestions.

im finally done wit chem. hope i wont hav to do tt subject again for a long long time, if not, forever.

now only left wit physics. 4 more papers to the end. 6 hr 15 min worth of paper n itll all b done.

lets go!

now tt my other pc, which is much faster, more capable, n has all my mp3 n mpg is temporarily unavailable, (was doin some utilities update when the power cut off throughout the house, which screwed up initialization DLL files, so cant boot up) the day seems awfully long. usually wat i do wit tt PC is blast mp3, watch latest episodes of Friends and That '70s Show durin my breaks, friendster, etc, on top of studyin. so it makes the day seem real short. im left wit this laptop tts only capable of normal surfin n some office applications. this is shit i tell ya.

ill b so mad if the new pc loses all the data. ive got the whole season 1 2 3 n half of season 4 of that 70s show, numerous other videos, n of cuz my precious mp3 stash, CM4 data, pics, etc, etc all in there. if its gone, i can live, but its gonna b such a waste. i hope we get it repaired or somethin b4 my A's end.

anyway, since ive had a long long day, this is wat i noticed so far. take note physics ppl, it might b helpful, but trust me at ur own risk, im not completely sure bt this.

took long look at the past 10 yrs of A levels phy n this is wat i found out.

for p2, (refer to guide bk) topic 1, 6 & 7 has always came out. so study tt intensively. other picks r topic 4 n 5. i mean, ultimately u gotta study almost everythin for p2, but juz a tip. im doin those 4 topics b4 touchin the rest. well, only 2 days to go now, so cant do much, but p2 isnt tt tough.

the real tip, for p3. since we got about a week for tt. topic 3 n 7, bang to it. always one qtn on them. then topic 5 n 2. juz for safety's sake, study topic 4 too. topic 1 n hardly comes out in p3. well, we're gonna pick 4 qtns out of 6 ultimately so better study 5 to b flexible yea?

i say again, i might not b completely right, but its definately some help into goin some way. dont juz study few obscure topics, but one, two more juz in case one of the qtns turn out real tough. well, best scenario's if we can actually take a look at every one of the qtn n pick out the easy 4 n do it, but i understand tt almost everyone hasnt touched physics till last nite, at the earliest, n till tomorrow, after chem p1, at the latest right? thank god its not tt hard a subject yes?

im gonna go intensive on the topics i mentioned above n if i can still afford time (hopefully, well, yea, i definately will) then ill go on to do the topics left out. its better prepared for everythin than not at all.

all the best u guys. 8 more days.

the biggest pain in the ass is finally gone. well, one more mcq paper n the whole pain in the ass will b gone. yes, im talkin bt chemistry, a subject i once loved but lost complete interest durin my time in JC. its such a torture to memorise and bla bla bla, being denied my preference to study environmental chem or thermodynamics juz coz most SA students do food chem. ah watever, its over n done wit. ive already cleared my desk of chem stuff already. my pile of cleared stuff now stands near 70 cm i think. after phy, it'll b 1m of stuff.

go go go...

cant wait. 9 days from now, ill b drownin in ecstacy. well, not quite, but yea.

im already thinkin of wat i wanna do n cant stop thinkin bt it. CM4, tons of DVD, goin out, etc... too many to mention.

k here i come physics bk. i'm gonna b makin out wit it for the next 8 nights. woohoo!

damn i wish i could go to limp bizkit concert n headbang my post exam fever off. as luck would hav it, im havin my sch grad nite on tt day. dang. talk abt disappointment. theres no way grad nite's gonna b postponed. the concert? mayb, but v unlikely.

i tried to study for chem. but its not workin. the back of my head is always askin, y the fuck am i wastin my time over somethin tt doesnt make any diff anymore? i got all my SAT scores, i can apply anytime n i hav to study n sit for A Levels tt wont make shit difference to the unis im applyin for.

thank god i'm a american permanent resident. if i wasn't, ill b so fucked right now coz A Levels would matter then. but im not. damn, this sucks. nvm, its only for chem. once its done, then its in my yard. physics, here i come.

heh, my post exam party starts right the next day wit my friend's birthday party.

10 more days n cant hardly wait.

woohoo...

i finally got the confirmation that ive been registered for united states selective service system.

that ends one of my worries for now. im now eligible for federal fundin, jobs, financial aid, etc.

i'm listenin to tony bennett and k.d. lang's multi-grammy winning album 'a wonderful world' for my saturday late night chillout. i never actually liked oldie jazz, but i admit, this is excellent stuff.

i just sent off my dad downstairs. hes goin to japan for a few days. he's gonna go to kagoshima first. hes having some sort of a reunion with all his university friends and professors. it seems like a grand gatherin of the glory days. all of his classmates are some sort of big shots now. most of them are deans of japanese universities or head of faculty of some sort. its only my dad that didnt go to the teachin profession. but i found out today that he's like the second in command of the whole asia pacific division. he handles sg, kl, hk, taiwan, manila, jakarta n bangkok division personally. i was like, whoa, tts so cool. even though he's second in command, he takes greater control and responsibility than the managing director of kyocera asia pacific. i guess the leadership thing runs through my blood then.

anyway, that made me start thinkin. few years down the road, i'll b travellin around for work too. i'm done schoolin already. uni is totally different stuff. work is another thin altogether. but its cool. i like travellin n if its gonna take me places, im more than willing. im lookin forward to these stuff.

n i hope there will be some sort of a reunion too for the SAJC ppl. u hear of proms n all, but we never actually hear of reunion in singapore. even if its not a school reunion, i hope there will b a clique reunion. its gonna b so cool. i hope there'll b one by the time i'm 30. i would hav finished graduate school, get myself a decent job, probably can get a nice house and a car by then (its so cheap to own em in US), hopefully married wit kids. tt would b fantastic. the guys here would hav finished NS by then, graduated from uni, got themselves work and all too. it'll b great to catch up on lost time.

im thinkin so much ahead. but it'll b like tt. although i get the general outline, i can never be sure wat ill b doin, where ill b at, etc. past few days happenings r like preparin me for the future. home owning, investments, finances, future planning, etc. im learnin stuff from my dad as well as cousins. i got a cousin in california, n he's doin quite well. relatively young age, annual pay is quite impressive, got himself a nice apartment n a cool merc. his colleagues r rather envious of him. i hope to emulate him in some way.

but america is a nasty place. laws govern every little thing. its the way of life, somehow. everyone has this idea of grand lifestlye that americans lead. its so not true. ive seen both the gd n the bad, i can honestly say, the gd we know only apply to a v small percentage. it would b challengin, but im gonna do it.

man, im thinkin so much of everythin, im forgettin wats ahead. its pretty much understood a levels doesnt matter anymore. but im gonna hav to complete it first anyway. so here are the 17 schools that made it to my final shortlisting. usually 8 is more than enough, if selected properly, but im not taking any chances. besides, more schools, more acceptance chances, more flexibility in choice too. when i receive the acceptance/rejection letter in april, i can consider everythin n make my final decision. so heres the list;

University of Pennsylvania
Cornell University
University of California - Berkeley
Carnegie Mellon University
University of Michigan - Ann Arbor
University of California - Los Angeles
University of North Carolina - Chapel Hill
University of Southern California
University of Wisconsin - Madison
University of California - San Diego
Georgia Institute of Technology
University of Illinois at Urbana-Champaign
Pennsylvania State University - University Park
University of Texas - Austin
Purdue University - West Lafayette
Marquette University
University of Massachusetts - Amherst

yea.. most of them are in eastern united states but frankly, location doesnt matter much to me. anywhere would b new environment for me. if i happen to go to lower ranked school, well, i guess it works to my advantage, mayb less competition so i might hav better chance to doin well n all. but of cuz, if i start off well, its gonna end well too.

yea its real excitin for me now. but lotsa thoughts are occupyin me. better hold it for 12 more days. tts when i hav to go all out of college stuff.

junli briefly food chem today. i always wanted to do environmental chem, coz the processes make more sense to me n its more my type of stuff. but considerin the lack of time and familiarity, im left wit no choice but to do food chem now. i mean, i'll do environmental if i hav the time to look it through, but ill prepare for food chem in the mean time. junli's gone through the stuff in detail, so the rest is up to me, to remember stuff n learn. thanx junz for takin ur time off to teach me! really appreciate it!

junwen came not too much later. we talked bt a lot of stuff as usual. i juz love the company of the two, weve talked abt almost anythin for the past two years and its really been great. even though junli n i r so busy wit our stuff n apart in terms of sch, wit junwen bein away in aussie previously n now in ns, we still manage to get together quite regularly. its juz amazin. this is wat u call strong bond of friendship. we would hav been able to spend so much time together once all these exams r over n all, but its real pity i would hav to leave em soon. its juz sad that things has to turn out this way, really. it happened rather late and its endin so soon. i wonder how the future will turn out for all of us.

n i juz start to wonder how everyone will lead their lives. it'll definately be interestin.

see wat schless, soccerless sat nite does to my mind. haha. but all these r gd thoughts. i cant put the rest of my thoughts coz those r rather private thoughts bt my own life. bt my love life, goals and stuff. im not sure if im ready to type all those stuff here yet. coz its still undecided kinda thing. hopefully it works out. itll b all sweet n all. it either happens or doesnt.

alrite then, i think tts enough for one day. im exhausted.

n the CD juz ends. tt was a gd companion. k this is one cd i would recommend to everyone then. jazz's cool.

"If I just breathe
Let it fill the space between
I'll know everything is alright
Breathe
Every little piece of me
You'll see
Everything is alright
If I just breathe"

i guess blastin the speakers wit loud music did gd job. somehow my anger was either taken away or calmed down by the head banging beats and the vibrations that the tiny yet oh so powerful speakers produced. was listenin to stuff by three days grace, rage against the machine, limp bizkit, 3rd strike, korn, P.O.D. and so many other real hard stuff.

lucky i handled the day properly. i couldve taken it out on somebody for sure, i was that pissed.

but at the end of the day, everyone has a reason to behave the way they do.

for my dad, i realised he had every reason to lash out on me. had i applied on ED to Carnegie Mellon, it would have meant that he would have to file his federal tax income papers in early. and thats one hell of a job. compared to me filling up 16 college applications, that work is tons more. furthermore, fillin up ur federal tax income papers is so complex and requires months to fill it up. u make any mistake, n u could end up in a trial, even jail. so rushing that kinda thing, yea, i guess i understood his frustration. so i juz let myself forget about the day's incident. nothing to worry about.

after thinking about it, yea, had i been accepted in CM, then it would hav meant high tuition fee, considerable competition, and missin out on prospects of goin to other unis. besides, theres nothin to lose, i can apply on regular anyway. jeez, y was i so worried about. stupid me. gettin so worked over one thing.

oh i got my SAT II results already. got 760 for maths IIC, 670 for physics and 590 for writing. im surprised i scored so high for maths, considerin i only did like 60-70% of the qtns. well, i remember from my practice bk tt in some yrs, they did award 700 for 30 correct ans out of 50 and 800 for gettin 40 out of 50. so i guess i was somewhere in between. im extremely happy for maths. physics was disappointment. i expected to do better. but physics was my last paper after two hours of other tests and it was juz all confusing questions tt u never see in a level kind of qtns. 670 isnt bad, but when i found out tt 670 was like 56 percentile, i was shocked. tt means quite a lot got 760 to 800. i wished i could b one of em. ah well. writin, well cant say anythin.

tts tt then. SAT I n II cleared. two college application complete, only essays to worry about for those two, and im very close to finishing FAFSA. tt leaves me to handle 12 more applications to fill up, all after A's. phew. tts a lot of job done for the day.

alrite, im juz gonna forget bt universities for once n go all out on chem n phy finally tomorrow. junli's gonna help me learn food chem n ill do the rest of chem n phy for myself. man, i wasted two days worth of study coz of all these university shit. i could hav so used the two days to finish physics and dedicate the next few days totally to chem.

fucking hell.

yea tts the only word tt comes to my mind now.

i had set my eyes on Carnegie Mellon University. My plan for the day was to print out the completed Common Application, print the supplement paper, study chem and at night, when my dad's at home, I'll submit and pay for the Early Decision application. Just when I was about to print the forms, my dad called.

He blasted me over the phone. (To summarise an ordeal I don't wanna think about.)

What the fuck, he could have told me everythin last night, why must he call me up in the middle of the day, which left me only about 24 hours to settle everythin? Its just way too late now. Its apply for ED or apply for regular by 1st Jan. Nothing to lose. He started scolding me for not consulting my uncle nor cousins over the essays which, yes, I agree, are important, but what do you have me do? Its less than 24 hours now, even if i send em, how much time is there to review, correct, send, n get approval? Remember, there's about 12 hours of difference. If I call now, its midnight in Boston and New York. Everyone must be tired and sleepy by now, how can I ask them for help. They too are busy with their own shit. They dont live for me, I fucking know that. I know I should have consulted them. But he doesnt get it. To call them would be calling them between 10-12 o clock. For the past 3 days, I've been having A Level papers during that time. Not only that, I have been studying. What would you have me do? I simply have no choice to do anything, do I?

I'm so fucking under pressure since end of prelims. I've been studying for SAT I, then SAT II, then A Levels and now sitting for them. Tt's since 3rd week of September. Its been fucking crazy time for me. On top of that, I had to search for gd schs, consult sources to check their academic rating, SAT score range, student faculty ratio, specialities, tuition fees, etc, etc. And then, compile everything, eliminate and then analyse again. Its a very tiring process, believe me. While everyone else only had A Level revision to worry about, I've had to handle all these other shit. I'm not grumbling, I actually liked searching for schools. But dont just come from nowhere and point fingers and say I didnt do this, I didnt do that. Fuck that. I did everything necessary. I've planned everything out. Its only when I'm interfered thats when everything goes haywire. I mean, my uncle is so busy with his work, and its already bad enough that I'm troubling him with my essays. I cant simply ask him whether he had read n editted my work after few days. He needs time too. Everyone needs time. I need time. N now, I'm sitting for the A Levels, that's the only thing I should be thinkin bout.

I really wanted to throw and smash the phone when my dad suddenly quirped ; what are you going to do with your A Levels?

If he knew, he should have told me long time ago so that I dont need to waste my fucking time over the fucking exams and concentrate fully on my application. I dont need to be told that. Man, I tell him every single process and he doesnt seem to listen or care. N he says he listens to everything. Yea right. If he listened to everything, he would know how many things I'm juggling right now. If I am to just concentrate on the application, I might as well not sit for A Levels. Why sit when I didnt get to study for it? I'm already bad enough, its not gonna be any better, would it?

I know what I'm doing. Nobody else needs to tell me what to do. Just leave me and let me do my own shit. Come on, of course I thought about everything, I wont just do things blindly, would I?

There is so much frustration, irritation and anger in me that I just do not know what more to say. And after yesterday, I was supposed to feel all calm and good. Look what happened now. Everything is screwed up. Everything could hav been fine.

I know my chances of getting in to Carnegie Mellon is low. But at least I can throw a dart. I would know the results by mid december and if it didnt work, then of course I would have gotten a improved essay ready by then so that I would apply again for regular admission. Like, duh???

Damn it. Fuck all. I'm gonna blast Audioslave, Rage Against The Machine and Massive Attack at full volume to make me feel better.

Oh, sorry to waste all you reader's precious time. To cut the long story short; I don't think I'll apply to Carnegie Mellon University on Early Decision anymore due to some complicated reasons. Period.

Fucking hell...

ok, after lengthy discussion, this is the outcome; i'll apply to carnegie mellon on early decision.

academic-wise, its a very gd choice. one of the top schools in the field of computer engineering and very noted program, plus the fact tt most of its graduates get jobs at IBM or Microsoft makes it very attractive.

financial-wise, well we can deal wit it. it means more work, applyin through FAFSA n FA but its not too hard. either way ill manage to get some sort of loan. either work loan or student loan, maybe even merit scholarship after some time. but its gonna be hard coz its a gd sch, so many other excellent students will b vying for the same thing.

so tts it then. but if u ask me, i stand a v low chance of gettin in now since my SAT score's below their 25 percentile range n i didnt consult my cousins or uncle for the essay, which means its messy n disorganised. but i cant do anything now, its due in about 24 hours. i gotta fill up the FA stuff now. sigh, how am i gonna study for chem p3 now like this?

hmm, ive been v enlightened the past two nights. amelie was a v nice movie on wed night n last night, i watched it could happen to you. v heart-warming movies. makes me think bt so many things tt i would want in the future. but it would seem like a awkward decision to many who know me, but i want it anyway. i would wanna earn a lot, live comfortably, but not extravagantly, juz a small cosy apartment or a semi-D, which isnt too big, n a old cadillac or plymouth would do. somewhere in the suburban area, if possible, even rural. maybe one of those obscure counties in france, italy, spain, portugal or even turkey. after livin right in the middle of a city for so long, ive grown to detest living so near all the tall buildings, traffic and everythin. i juz wanna liv far far away n be alone, let myself to sit down next to the fire, listenin to lounge music every nite. tts how i envision myself. i might probably remain single, who wants to share a lifestyle which is so stagnant n un-happening? all these thoughts were occupyin my head as i went to sleep last night. im really confused. A's r ending in 2 wks, i hav like 10 months to sort everythin out b4 i head to university, then everythin from there is one way ticket. i used to look forward to that, now i'm rather scared.

ok, i finally completed my two essays for Carnegie Mellon University. I think its crappy but ive got no choice, its due in two days time.

now the dilemma. should i submit on Early Decision or scrap that n wait for regular admission? it makes a helluva diff. if i apply on ED, i'll know my admission results mid dec. i most probably wont make it wit my shit SAT score, but american university admissions are unpredictable, even shitty scores can get u in gd unis, so its worth a try.

on the other hand, CMU is rather ex. n if i do happen to get accepted, tt means i gotta pay tt big sum. i mean of cuz i'll apply for financial aid from FAFSA, so it wont b too ex, but compared to other state unis, which r as gd as CMU, i dunno if its worth it. i mean, in the field tt i do, which will b computer or electrical engineering, CMU's the best. n best of the best. n its reacheable by me.

the worry is, if i get accepted on ED, then, i HAVE to attend CMU. tts my worry. ill hav no choice but to attend CMU if i get accepted on ED, i mean, tt's wat ED is all for. so i dunno. i mean i can apply on regular, but most of freshman in CMU is those who applied on ED. so its like dilemma. n its bad enough since these few days my dad's like lookin around for info n researchin for expenses n flats around california n texas. arrgghhh wat should i do? CMU, once accepted, will b all sweet. their graduate sch will b quite gd for MBA too.

im gonna hav to talk to my dad first then. everythin else is in place. juz the decision.

"I'm here without you baby but your still on my lonely mind
I think about you baby and I dream about you all the time
I'm here without you baby but your still with me in my dreams
And tonight girl, its's only you and me"

"Here in the southtown, you know that kid don't play.
Put it down on the streets, will I see another day.
If I make it back this time, got to hold what is mine
And thank god that I made it alive.
Here in the southtown...."

after the 3 day hiatus, i'm takin a mental break for the day. watchin amelie from montmarte now. i watched it b4 n i muz say its one of the most original as well as creative movie ive ever come across. these movies r wat makes me like european films. they juz hav this quality bout em tts so attractive. when watchin those french or spanish movies that are set to our time, i cant help but dream of living juz like the lifestyle tt the movie portrays one day. juz look at amelie living such a comfortable, peaceful life. i want that. i yearn to live in a simple apartment n juz live life. i guess that will happen soon. or in the years to come, i'll hav complete power over that decision. cant wait. 2 more wks to freedom.

lets do a flashback. slept early on sunday night, but couldnt really get to sleep. was rollin n tossin till like 2am. tts my usual night. i hav big trouble fallin asleep. anyway, lucky as it didnt affect too much for maths the next day. yea it was rather straightforward, i could do most of the qtns, leavin some out coz i wasnt sure. i think i screwed up bits n pieces, but i'm content. i was never tt gd in maths once in jc, so cant expect too much out of myself suddenly. but it'll b ok. next day was gp n chem. horrible day of 3 papers. wrote an essay on 'does the modern world place too much reliance on technology?" so i juz wrote n wrote. kinda crappy at parts but yea i wrote quite a lot for once. i had lotsa things to say. i tot the compre wasnt too hard. passage was easy to understand. yea i agree qtns were rather different than the ones we're usually exposed to, but i guess it was do-able. but we never know, tt's gp. chem was horror show. i think this paper was way simple. but the thing was tt, i went into the paper panickin n very underprepared. had i been on a gd standard, like tt of my phy, then it would hav been quite easy. i dunno, mayb i feel tt way coz there were hardly any organic qtns tt i totally detest. but i was quite pissed coz i couldnt even nail the topics tt i usually would excel at. i'm super at thermochem n equilibria. n for weak or below average students, yea tts me for chem, if u dont do well at wat ure gd at, then ure fucked. so i fucked myself. i shouldve juz trusted the data qtn provided n not go accordin to wat i believed i knew. ah well. im not expectin much for chem. but it did make me feel a little better since everyone found it screwed up n were v unsure. but my damage has already been done. its gonna b hard to recover from this damage. but ill juz do wat i can do. maths p2 today made me so happy. well i never know i might hav used all the wrong methods n did somethin wrong like usual, but if i can attempt everythin n hav a sense of idea as to how the qtn should b answered, i guess tts gd enough. i managed to answer everythin. i actually finished ahead of time. i was amazed. but we never know till we get our results. personally i believe tt if i improved, then so did everyone else. so gotta see. i might do well, n theres still a possibility i screwed up.

man this characters name in amelie is so cool. his surname is quincampouix. so cool. when i start a new CM game after A's, im gonna name myself valderrama quincampouix. valderrama's a surname but it sounds like a first name.

anyway...

worst part of A's is over i guess. tho its not so much, i got quite a bit of time to do chem n phy prep. man, its 2 wks more. it seems quite long, but its gonna fly. ive thus far sat for 15 hrs of the 24 tt im sittin for. man. tts crazy. actually 21 of 30 if u include my SAT I n IIs. man. tts really some waste of time n some pascals on my arse.

im gonna hav to finish composin two essays for carnegie mellon by tomorrow n submit by 14th. that'll settle my ED. but now im not sure if i really wanna go there. well if u do, its gd, but other colleges as equally as gd n at a cheaper price. hmm hmm.

while ive been havin exams, my bro's been downloadin that 70's show for me. now ive got season 1 2 3 all complete. almost halfway through season 4 now. i could hav the entire series by this weekend. n then, burn mania. gonna do tt for friends after A's. n roswell too. ooh, this is cool.

when i reached home today, immediately went to my desk n threw maths n gp stuff on the ground. my mom was like, walid wat r u doin. heh, to hell wit those two for now. stacked up everythin later n it piled up to half a meter already. n theres still much more for chem n phy. 3/8 of my desk space is cleared for now. cant wait till next wk when i can get rid of the god darned chem. i'll still b doin maths n phy in uni, but i really dont want anythin got to do wit chem for the next few yrs.

Kuan Sian was damn funny today. after maths, we were juz talkin lot of shit as usual n he juz noted somethin;
"y is it tt whenever tt guy walks, two girls follow him?"
his friend: 'one of the girl is his gf n the other one is the gf's best friend."
Kuan Sian: "... (after few moments of silence), erm, does tt mean buy 1 get 1 free?"
everyone: "HAHAHAHAHA!!!"

hahahahahahaha..... BURN!!!! (Kelso That 70's Show style)

man Kuan Sian never fail to amuse n crack me up.

k gonna continue watchin amelie.

"Will ya? WILL YA? WYLL YE? WEEL YEE? WILL YOU? WEEL YAAA???"

Oh, sorry, I'm just impersonating Sonny in P.O.D.'s new single, "Will You."

His screaming sounds nice.

Studying as I'm listening to the music from my PC.

I know its an old song already, but I love Massive Attack's "Angel"!!!!

It sounds very satanic at night, but the background beat and the rhythm totally rock.

"To love you, love you, love you..."

Final Score from Stamford Bridge;
Chelsea 5
Glen Johnson (24th)
Hernan Crespo (39th)
Frank Lampard (41st, pen)
Damien Duff (77th)
Eidur Gudjohnsen (83rd)

Newcastle United 0

Muthaf**king s**t!!!!!

"Here We Go"

I feel very calm and content.

Why?

Most probably coz I met her yesterday. I thought not seeing her for two weeks while she was on exchange programme was bad. Didnt turn out to be so bad. So it was interesting to listen to her stories of her time that she really seemed to enjoy. Somehow I kinda saw a different side of her, maybe it was a side she never showed me before, I was both surprised and delighted. Somehow it made her look more beautiful and adorable than she is usually.

Am I crazy to be thinking like that?

Nah, I guess not. I guess its the kind of reaction you get when you miss a person dearly. I've missed her a lot in the two weeks. Now gotta handle not seeing her for two months while she's away in Indonesia. I guess I can do that.

She's indirectly giving me a reason for me to work and succeed. I'm not talking about the A Levels. But about general things to come in the future. I'm not really bothered whether I'll succeed or not in the A Levels. Even if I screw that, I'll still go to a university and make my way from there.

But I guess its good that I'm heading into the A Levels with a calm and relaxed head.

And I have her to thank for that.

Enjoy your holiday and take care of yourself okay? I'll see you in January if I'm still in Singapore.