mothafuckin hell...

nothin can express the anger i feel within myself today.

seein how maths c p2, which i was more or less prepared for, squeezed me out of life minute by minute, for the first time ever, i wanted to cry coz of an exam. y? coz all my work tt had been put into prep for mc p2 had gone down to waste. really. i was gd till this mornin. i could solve tpjc n tjc papers pretty simply, n confidence interval, critical region stuff were all straightforward. but when it was time for the actual doin of question, i faltered. god knows y. y, of all times, does it hav to b durin the paper tt i blanked out? the questions were not too hard, it was do-able, even by my standards, but nothin, not even a start came to my mind. i was left to frantically flip n flip for somethin tt i at least could do. but no, tt was not meant to be. i only gained some sort of gear goin wit one hour left to go, n my six sheets of paper were mostly blanks. this is wat i get, when i worked hard for it. it puts my p1 efforts down the drain. p1, i calcuted afterwards, i think, most probably, considerin wat i did is acceptable, i could get between 50 to 60. we're talkin bt E, D or C here. tt's gd, in my view. but wat i did for p2 today, puts tt to neverland. i think i barely scored 30 today. tt, for somethin i prepared. so overall, tt would put me into a certain O wif a very very unlikely but remote chance of me gettin an E. but tt's v unlikely, coz all this, i calculated from a best case scenario. tt means at the best, i'm gettin juz enough to attain E, mayb not. but most certainly an O, in the upper region. but ive seen lotsa unthinkable situations in my jc life, so as always, tt could crash down all the way to F.

i feel v angry, i wanted to tear the paper apart, feel v angry wif myself especially. how could i let myself do this shit. a lot of time was wasted. it could all hav been channelled to physics to get a good grade for tt. lookin at tomorrow, i think i'll screw up my physics as well. chem tomorrow is a goner, i did minimal revision coz theres no way i can prepare for organic, its juz waste of time for me, coz i know, n its been proven i cant memorise all tt shit for exams. i'm talkin bt 40% or so for juz p3 alone now. on top of tt, theres inorganic, another memory stuff, so basically more than half of the paper is gone. now u tellin me to study for p3? hello? i'm much better off doin physics.

i still feel v pissed. its like a daylight robbery for me. how could i let tt happen. i'm not lettin it pull me down but its so depressin when u work so hard n this is wat u get. thank god its not been like tt for me the entire jc life. then i would've understood y some chose to take their life away. if tt had happened to every single paper i sat for n i mugged damn hard for it, who knows i might hav been one of those who joined the sad list. but its only an exam, its not worth it. they say A levels decide ur life. well, not mine. i hav an alternative route n i'm glad i'm gonna b excersizin tt option. even if it screws up, i'm endin up somewhere to start anew. theres another chance, at least.

i didnt expect prelims to hit hard. i'm potentially lookin at a F, O n D or E for prelims now. its unlikely i'll b a mr kenneth koh, a physics relief teacher tt took our class last yr, who scored four Es for his prelims n ended up scorin all As ultimately. but i can try. i'm tryin to get a A-B-C, i'll b happy wif tt. at least some credits for every single subject.

enough of blabberin, i'm gonna get to my physics. fuck chem, fuck maths.

fuckin hell....