"But your eyes look away
It's so hard to be someone
Strung out from today
And all that you knew slips away"

Hmm.. its already 25th Sept. I had forgotten so much tt i'm sittin for SAT I on the 11th Oct n havent started practicing with all the maths n chem. I really wanna do good so tt gettin into gd uni will b easier. right now, i've got nothin to show n if i continue that way, i'll juz end up in cold Marquette or chillin under the Texas sun. I juz wanna get into gd one, n settle for it. I'm startin to freak out coz i'm realisin how little time we have. next thing i know, i'm dismissed from sch for good, next day, SAT I, few days later, chem prac, a week later, phy prac, couple wks later, SAT II, few days n A Levels begin. wat the fuck is goin on. n i'm so not ready. Considerin my status now, i'll b better off not takin A's coz there's no chance i'll do well except for Phy. Maths, i'm tryin my best, but i think most i can ask is a C. Chemistry, i'm ok wif physical n doin my best for inorganic, but wat will ultimately determine my chem grade is my organic n options.

the a level timetable seems to b in my favour. maths will end by third day, which leaves enough time to seriously mug for chem n phy. most of phy r like last few papers, so i'll consolidate on my gd topics n capitalise on my weaker ones so tt i can spare time for chem revision. this is so gettin into me. next few wks gonna b a tough ride. n i'm already on the verge of snappin.

goin to sch is utterly useless. i understand they wanna help us by givin work, but i wanna do things at my own pace n plan. last thing i need is tutors givin us work n expect to complete it while we're studyin n revisin. its insane. it totally shifys my own plan off course. i dun wanna go to sch, not like i hav any choice not to. tomorrow, i'll finalise my phy grades, n get some stuffin for chemistry n monday, i'll get my GP back. i really need to manage my time now. i guess i hav the wkend to do some serious chem n maths. i wanna get my physical n inorganic done n over wit by middle of next wk. maths, i'm doin quite well wif the nov papers, but i could do faster. n its only p1 for christ's sake. wat abt p2. i still need to study vectors n complex from the start.

arghhh....

ok, i'm takin it bit by bit. i know i can n i know i will. days r juz so slow n tirin i cant take it anymore. if anythin, then Newcastle thrashin NAC Breda 5-0 in UEFA Cup First Round First Leg should b an inspiration, only not to b surprised if we get fucked by Arsenal come Saturday mornin.

bla, i'm too hassled to continue. mayb i'll do a reflection when i've calmed down n got time to think things through.