i went back to the rental store after helping mom with the mega grocery shopping, and im happy to have come back with what would be quite a good set of movies to keep me occupied during the nights when im not out. i decided to get bollywood/hollywood coz i thought my mom would like it, since she's a hindi movie junkie, and also the highly-acclaimed afghan movie 'osama', a french movie ive been dying to catch 'love me if you dare (jeux d'enfants)' and a southern drama which got halle barry an oscar 'monster's ball'
so far, ive only watched bollywood/hollywood and i must say im not that impressed. i remember wanting to catch this coz it came out shortly after the whole americanized indian movie craze that started with 'the guru' and i was supposed to watch it, only to change my mind for some other one. im glad that i made that choice then. it had a pretty good storyline but it kinda bored me. i was never the person who embraced the whole sing/dance and then the over dramatic plot of indian movies. the only thing that held me from going to the computer to go online was the main actress, who seemed so mysterious to me. much like the main actor, i thought she was hispanic, but she turned out to be east indian afterall. but yea, very mysterious eyes.
ironic enough, i could end up in the same situation as what they portrayed. but i'll be damned if my parents were to recommend someone who looked like her. its a path i wouldnt want to take, but given the circumstances, it might be better off for me.
sad to say, i would have wished there was more excitment in my love life, coz as you all know, my love life has never been exciting. it couldnt be helped, coz i was basically always on the move, and sometimes i never knew where i could be heading to at one moment in time. so while watching this movie, i kinda related it to myself and saw how it could turn out for me.
its funny to think that back in secondary school days, my best friend and i would talk about such things but nothing really happened for either of us. four years on, he's attached to his girlfriend for 16 or 17 months after couple of flings here and there, whereas i had practically nothing for the 4 years.
and then i think about the time where i was out with a friend who suddenly popped the question about whether i would mind dating an indian. at that moment, i reflected on all of my past crushes and realized that i had never taken any interest in anyone who was completely indian. well, maybe not quite. but then again, its not like i dismissed indians completely, it just so happened that all those who i took interest mainly happened to be of mixed background. i reiterated the fact that for me, because ive always grown up in a foreign environment, i do not see people by race, but as a person. so its not the matter of me not dating an indian, but it just so happened that i didnt come across a person whom i took interest in who happened to be an indian. so dont get me wrong.
ive talked to couple of people about this whole must-marry-someone-of-your-race issue and its been comical at times. sure, by all means, if that person is right, it wouldnt be of any problem, but as i said, ive not come across such situation previously.
but it doesnt quite seem like i will be dating anyone soon. i would be heading back on 3rd august, and then just a week later, settle myself down in atlanta. most probably i will have to go back to illinois a year later. and then of course, i will be mugging, hoping to secure a high paying job in some MNC, work for couple of years, hopefully get ot move around, and if possible, get a master's degree, and then get back to work. how am i expected to maintain any form of relationship, ay?
so i guess it'll be convenient to leave it up to my parents, they'll shortlist people that they like, and i'll see which one of those i might like. i guess its better that way, if i were to get someone foreign to my parents, then that person will be overburdened with super high expectations of my parents, which would be problematic in the long run.
but as i said over and over again, i wouldnt have to bother with this issue for a very long time, by the time i will have to think about it again, im sure my parents will ring me up and say something along the likes of 'walid, you have to consider about marriage now' or something like that.
but its nice to imagine about what could potentially happen time to time. its definately not pleasing, but at least i can be mentally prepared.
i had a weird dream, again, on sunday morning. its one of those touchy feely kind of dreams. i was in some situation where there were lots of people gathering, something like an orientation, and then i was sitting down, like all the other people, when i felt two hands slowly reaching for me from my back. at first im caught off guard, but i slowly realize what is going on. for a moment, i contemplate whether to push those hands away, since there are so many people and they could see (at this moment in time i assume im not just one of them, but like in orientation, a student leader or something equivalent) or i have the choice of taking those hands in mine. i happened to choose the latter. and then it became interesting as both of us rearranged our finger positions slowly like two people who are not used to touching eachother. and then once we felt comfortable, we were holding our hands pretty tightly, clearly indicating that neither of us wanted to let go of one another. and as always, when i turn around, during the dream i recognize who it is, but when i wake up, i can never remember who it is. all i can say is that its definately someone i know, someone im clearly familiar with, but i have no clue who it is.
look how deprivation of intimacy leads me to dream about. im not complaining, but i thought it'd be nice for me to be in those situation once in a while. oh well, i cant ask for anything. but the dream was nice, pleasing.
okay, get back to the real world, and realize its not gonna happen anytime soon.
im gonna take my lunch now and then watch 'love me if you dare (jeux d'enfants)'
No comments:
Post a Comment