okayyy.... this is gonna b one long post..

in the past 2 to 3 days, my whole perspective on america has turned upside down. well, i think it was triggered by marc's last entry bt simple lifestyle n appreciatin things for wat its really worth, together wit a cheap shades tt i got and a automobile magazine tt i was readin while tryin to shortlist potential cars tt i would recommend my dad to get for mom.

im trying hard not to lose my chain of thoughts here. coz for the past 4 hours, one thought has led to another like nuclear fission reaction.

it got triggered by this FOX News special on medical malpractices in this country. basically the prob now is tt insurance premiums and lawsuits r drivin the medical profession mad n it could potential lead to a shut down. lemme explain y. when doctors begin their practice, they hav to get malpractice premiums, its for in case shit goes wrong fund. as a doctor, its inevitable tt one will come across a case they cant help, worse, lead to death, etc n its premium is a staggerin amount, considerin the amount these insurance companies hav to pay for compensations to the victims. but its way too much. as more malpractice takes place, the premium increases, n together wit the income tax, doctors r forced not to practice, optin for early retirement or juz quittin the profession altogether. its real sad. coz its not tt doctors dont wanna help patients, but they r forced not to. suppose a seasoned doctor earns US$300k, premiums go up to US$150k... tts hald their annual salary.. n then the 30% income tax is calculated upon their original salary, not the remaining. so tt leaves em wit roughly 100k, to take care of everything else. tts not too bad actually. but imagine if ure a fresh graduate from 8 to 10 yrs of studying. after all u pay, ure left wit roughly 30k. 30k! tts below the average american income and considerin the amount of work hours required to practice, its sooo not worth it. but its the way this freakin country works. lawsuits, money, corporate policy.

n wats worse, some of these cases r whacked. take for example this particular situation. girl born wit cerebral palsy. doctors couldnt tell wit their equipment. parents knew somethin was wrong n demanded they do somethin. but doctors know better. watever they did, they couldnt detect n let it go. lawyers calls tt negligence. n its not like it was caused by negligence, these conditions can come up anytime and without any sign or warning. it juz happens n no one can tell yet y. so they sue for freakin US$216 million!! but then in the end, the family ended up wit US$5 million coz most of the money went into other stuff i couldnt b bothered to know, n the lawyer nets himself a handsome million. n this is kinda becomin common stuff. but tts not wat angers me the most. the sickenin thing is tt the verdict is decided by a jury, tt isnt educated about medical practice, who r picked from a normal street person n all they giv is sympathy vote juz coz the girl was paraded infront of the very jury. 5 million isnt enough, one says. shit, a million is enough to care for the girl for her lifetime! a million can take a brotha far. some ppl retire wit a million in hand. n the jury claims it isnt enough to care for her. full of crap. n the verdict is decided by a jury as ill informed as ppl like this.

sickenin. totally sickening.

second issue. how these big companies take advantage of the ignorance of the public to squeeze the bucks outta them. in one way or another, u know, that some products r cheatin u big time. n still, the people dont care n end up paying for the products. take for example. an issue ive had in my mind for a long long time. this super SUV called Hummer is a v popular car. its basically a commercialized version of a military vehicle. its so freakin hot. i know i feel like drivin at times, but think abt it practically. the giant costs at least 90k. a regular car costs between 20k to 30k. tts a lil too far. n ppl still buy it coz it looks so cool. n to top it off, its very OPEC friendly. its fuel consumption rate is phenomenal. abt 15 miles per gallon??? its crazy. now tt OPEC has effectively raised the price of gas, its bt 2 bucks per gallon, n tt fuel bill is gonna hit the roof if u keep drivin the hummer H2! i mean i dont get it. all these cool features bt the car n all, how much of it r u goin to put into effective use? its not like the monster goes to b driven on off road conditions all the time. its driven on the road. im lookin at cars tt cost between 10k to 15k n one tt has fuel consumption rate of roughly 40+ miles per gallon. n japanese cars r the most effective in tt sense. anyway, so ppl still pay for it. even tho its freakin ex. n these arent those super rich ppl. its juz regular guys. by the time u consider ur fuel cost, auto insurance n car loan, ure forkin out 1500 per month. n tt goes for bt 7 yrs. but then u can hav that kinda car for 10-12 yrs at the most. american cars dont seem to last, everyone knows. but then there still r ppl who go on to spend $30k+ on american cars which isnt reliable. i dont get it. r ppl juz plain misinfomed or plain dumb? its not worth the money at all. get a cheap japanese car tt will last for a very gd 15 yrs at least n pay less than 700 per month. its a super deal, its doesnt take a genius to figure it out, but not many ppl r still doin it. if ure gonna pay 1500, might as well buy a house, then by 30 yrs, u'll get a permanent house in ur name. a car lasts for 15 yrs, compare to a house for life. u know wat i mean? n these ppl can afford a hummer, but they prefer to continue payin a monthly rent for their apartment. i juz dont get it. n its not like they earn a lot either.

average american earns roughly US$40k per year. if u take into considerin monthly mortgage, auto insurance, health insurance, car loan, credit card debt, food cost, etc, etc, tts not much ure left wit. hardly any savings. continue on like tt n most ppl should b drivin themselves to bankrupcy by the time they reach retirement. is it juz me or wat? i mean they need to understand all these. they better. its not a joke.

i guess when they say tt the average american SAT score is around 900, i dont doubt it anymore. in a sense, i should b feelin v lucky. no, i am feelin v fortunate n blessed, coz out of 200 over university, im goin to a sch tt's ranked 37th. or had a choice to go to 30th or 25th. in singapore sense, i'm already in the RI/Chinese High or RJC/HCJC class. path more or less secure. by the time i graduate, average tech comp engineering graduate is expected to get US$60k per annum. given my difference n the fact tt im asian, i might face a lil prejudice, but the figure should b close to tt. only bt the top 10% of this country earns above US$100k and some ppl work 10-20 yrs to reach tt stage. i'll prob reach there faster, n even faster if i do my MBA. but tts not wat im concerned abt. even ppl who earn 100k+ hav to worry bt the money tts goin out on income tax n the other necessry costs, so y arent the average americans concerned? it baffles me.

suddenly i felt a sense of nausea. n the way this whole country is run by consumer-demand market and the whole endorsement of globalization. its crazy. i am seriously reconsidering my future. coz its scary, to b surrounded by everything tt is money. i was holdin the shades i bought for 10 bucks n was thinkin, now tts a gd buy. cheap, reliable n functional. y should i go on to spend 200 bucks on somethin tt prob cost only 10 or 20 bucks to manufacture and 'donate' the rest of the cost in the name of brand? im not endorsin em. n its not like im gonna use shades all the time. i was lookin at E! Channel n when i saw tt britney spears spent 300 bucks on her shades, i juz chuckled to myself. n its the same wit all other products. rippin all of us off. i suddenly feel ashamed of myself tt i went on to spend a considerable amount of money on my discman, when none of those 125 hr battery life n all matter (n by actualy fact, it never lasts till 125 hrs)

n u see these ads, promotin a product's multi function capability n all, how much of tt actually matter? n some of these ads r juz so stupid n cheesy. n wats more surprisin is tt there r considerably number of people who believe these ads! how dumb can u be?

im very disillusioned right now. but wat can i do. this is how this country, among many other, mainly western european countries r run. im more shocked n bothered bt this than i was bothered wit how singapore is bein run. this makes singapore look like nothing. in a sense, this capitalist wont work forever. but its not clear when the time comes for a change. im not an advocate of communisim, but if u ask me, if only communism was carried out properly, it would hav worked for the better. but as wit all things, there must b someone in control. we've all seen tt. it never works.

so i refer to my dear friend marc's last entry in which he said y cant we all live a simple life n appreciate life for wat its worth? i totally second tt opinion.

this world is bein run too much by money.

i dont feel like livin in this country for long. the longer i stay, the more dismayed i become. my friends in singapore should feel glad. everythin is bein taken care of, but they dont want tt. they dont realize how much responsibility and independance is required. they already r complainin abt the way things r, should it work like america, those complaints would escalate to a whole new level of its own.

i imagine myself livin in some secluded area of a moderate country n not caring about anythin tts goin on in the world. i really wanna live life simple and carefree.

will tt day ever come? i hope it will. but right now, im disillusioned, very much. unless someone can convince me tt the evil of this world is not to be taken so seriously, please do tell me.

this thought is not completely the way i intended to b, but its roughly conveys the pt i wish to express for now. n it will b runnin in my head for the better part of the next few days.

right now, this song playes in my head...

Goo Goo Dolls - Long Way Down

Oh, here you are
There's nothing left to say
You're not supposed to be that way
Did they push you out?
Did they throw you away?

Touch me now and I don't care
When you take me, I'm not there
Almost human, but I'll never be the same

Long way down
I don't think I'll make it on my own
Long way down
I don't want to live in here alone
Long way down
I don't think I'll make it on my own

I never put you down
I never pushed you away
You're not supposed to be that way
And anything you want
There's nothing I could say

Is there anything to feel?
Is it pain that makes you real?
Cut me off before it kills me

Long way down
I don't think I'll make it on my own
Long way down
I don't want to live in here alone
Long way down
I don't think I'll make it on my own
I never put you down
I never pushed you away
Take another piece of me
Give my mind a new disease
And the black and white world never fades to grey

Long way down
I don't think I'll make it on my own
Long way down
I don't want to live in here alone
Long way down
I don't think I'll make it on my own
On my own
On my own

and obviously, this is a fitting line to describe wat i feel right now.. a line from a song called 'Lazy Eye' also by the Goo Goo Dolls,

Caught in the breakdown...
Caught in the breakdown...