weird weird...

i actually wanted to write down about this dream that i had few weeks back. i thought it was one of those random dreams where u do stuff that isnt probable. in that dream, i dreamt of three situations. coz i hav difficulty sleeping, i tend to wake up suddenly in the middle of the night, so the dream is stopped abruptly. first case, i was talking to lorraine, whom i met on fri. then second one, talkin to jennifer, who ive been meetin up rather more often than it used to be. the third person was my ex qss classmate and fellow saint, Jonas.

the reason y i said tt was improbably was coz the last time i actually went out wit him was all the way back in sec 4. although we entered the same JC n all, we never actually sat down n talked for a long long time. in that dream, the only things i can gather was tt i was talkin to him in a cafe like place and telling him bout somebody. im not gonna go into that, coz i cant remember exactly who it was. so when i woke up, i was like, hmm, that cant happen, i havent seen him outside in a long long while. so i thought it was one of those weird dreams i have time to time.

turns out, it was a case of deja vu, proven yesterday.

i dropped by to qss to meet my teachers n tell em that i was goin off. kind of like a gd bye thingie. then jonas, jenn n me went off to hv. jenn met kwee yong n another friend n went back. so jonas took me to this ice cream place behind hv, which was v gd. then we sat down n talked all things, like old times. then it suddenly got personal, we were talkin bt people, relationships, thoughts, etc, etc. n suddenly it occured, wait, wasnt this wat i dreamt about last wk? suddenly i was feelin so weird.

ive had several cases of deja vu, more often than a lot of people i think. but this is one of the most weird one yet. there would b a time where im sittin in the bus which bunch of friends tellin em somethin n i'd suddenly stop coz i envisioned tt scene before, there would b instances where im sittin in the caf in a particular position n see specific people i see walkin past me or somethin n suddenly tt scene is so familiar, even if i do not know the individuals involved. so many cases.

not gonna say ive got a premonition power, but it is weird enough, to come across deja vu so often.

there's one thing i dreamt about tt i wish would take place in real life, but hasnt happened yet. i guess when u want it to happen, it doesnt happen. it has to get u by surprise.

now... for the more serious topic..

chahats back... in case u dunno who she is, she's a gd friend of mine whos also bengali. her mom n my mom r like best friends. she was from PJ, and was holidayin in bangladesh for the past few weeks. so she's back n we're smsin or chattin on the net as usual. so happened tt she was tellin me bt the ppl tt she comes across n this particular line caught my eyes. she was sayin she finds it difficult to tell which of the guys come forward to get to know her without a motive. now thats food for thought. true, for girls, i guess almost every guy gets to know u wit an intention, i mean, how many people come across u for the pure reason of bein a friend? there has got to be some motive behind. so she was sayin bout the guys she met in sch. i gather from previous conversations tt she was quite a celebrity in PJ. n also assumin from the way she looks, i guess tons of guys fell for her. so i dont find it surprisin to hear those words from her. but then after she said tt, i kinda started questionin bout the people i know too. obviously, i bet there r some who got to know me coz i was a councillor/japanese speakin/bengali/ (i wont say it myself, but since people tell me) gd lookin. then comes the next thing; so some of the so called 'friends' i made, r they really friends or mere acquaintance who just wanna get to know me coz of my looks? that kinda made me shudder in disappointment. how would u feel when u found out some people befriended u purely coz of ur looks n they dont giv a damn wat kinda person u r? i know i know, this happens all the time, but i wanna make a pt here.

i mean, take for example, i met kwee yong yesterday rite, she told me one of her classmates was in SA first three months while i was involved in orientation. tt friend supposedly claimed tt she thought i was gd lookin n hoped tt i would talk to her or somethin. that makes me feel like sayin, is there all there is about me? ok fine, sorry i didnt get to talk to u, but dont talk as if tts my fault. how am i supposed to know when there r like so many people while im handlin orientation games or whatever. i cant b talkin to every person i come across.

tts not the only case, whenever someone tells me tt their friend knows who i am or somethin, all they mention is how i look. they think i look eurasian/bollywood actor/jewish (seriously, wat the hell? hav they ever seen a jewish person?) /brazilian/portuguese/whatever. i dont care! but dont make me sound like there's all there's to me! coz they talk like tts the only thing tt matters.

another thing, juz coz of the way i look, people assume my behavior. most get the idea tt im a hard core party person, ultimately flirtacious, very easy goin n a smooth talker. so they come across me as though i am actually that, when i am soooo not.

come on, didnt u all learn not to judge the book by the cover?

im probably like the last person u would see in a club or somethin.

dont expect me to be wat u think i am when u dont even know me, aight?

n i'll b quite disappointed n let down if i consider u my friend n all u care is havin a gd lookin person u know in person. im more than that, give me some credit, im a person too. plz kindly go away if ure one of em. i might as well tell u to fuck off when i find out tt ure one of them.

yea, i know it sounds all sensitive groanin and moaning n complaining, n so on n so on. but im sick of all this n afterall, its my blog. im not afraid to say wat i want. in fact, im entitled to say wat i want. if i realise or am convinced im wrong, then ill apologise. wat r u gonna do even if u dont agree? ive got a different opinion than urs, is there a problem? is it a crime to say stuff that u dont agree wit? dont juz tell me to stop moanin or somethin, convince me tt im wrong if u believe so. just casually commenting is easy, but hav u got arguments to say tt wat im sayin is not correct? (some of u know its true) ive seen enough cases tt convince me to come up wit the things i wrote above n its not based on handful of incidents but im talkin bout the culmination of the events of the past 6 yrs of my sch life. so dont tell me im biased. i might be, but these r the very comments ive heard from ppl i know.