"I was reborn
When I was broken
I wouldn't believe
I wouldn't believe, no"

Okay, I'm gettin through the depression stage bit by bit. I'm past the low, now goin up. Lemme see wat happened today...
Hmm, woke up around 10, when i realised i was sweatin mad coz somehow aircon was switched off. mayb the power went out durin the night. nice little breakfast while i digested the new look sunday times. i think its all messed up. sports section is in the middle when i should b easily available on a weekend. ah well i guess gotta get used to it. i was lookin forward to readin the stuff about Devon Aoki, the weird lookin model from 2 Fast 2 Furious, but tt was juz a promo design. shucks. they say shes a funnyface, but she can look v v beautiful in certain shots.

Yea.. then i did this thing, the redesignin of blog. it was mostly cut n paste from out layout n shiftin n movin about n readjustin of some parameters, so not much of a job. surfed around for a little while.

Sports update! A.C. Fiorentina, once bankrupt n ditched from Italy's finest, records first victory in Serie B. Promotion back to the big time next season might b pushin hopes a little too far, but i think its very possible in 4 yrs time. To english first division... West Ham draws with Millwall, but very close to top few. Them gettin play off spot is a minimum if u ask me. Just hope Newcastle wont b the one exchangin Premiership status with them come end of this season. Baseball.. Red Sox secures AL Wild Card... One more game n off for first post season since 99? Its been long. Post season starts against Oakland Athletics, with Martinez startin, should b able to win first few series. Its always the AL Championship we gotta worry, when its most likely the Yankees blockin the way to World Series. I mean, we're in the same division for christ's sake, theres no tougher division in the whole of baseball than two of the best teams in the country vyin for tt one spot to post season.

Erm, okay, tt was unnecessary. Wat else... Was just lazin around, tryin to get physical rest from yesterdays rigours, feelin strain on my back n heel. gotta watch it, i might not b able to play in tip top condition next wk. So after watchin more tv n surfin, went down for 'light' soccer. yea, today was light, but the kids actin so smart almost ticked me off. one thing u might ask. kids? yea, i'm referrin kids as in the kiddies who live in my estate. most r around 11 to 15 years of age. u might b thinkin, jeez walid, get a life. well, i mean, i dont care who i play soccer with, even tho they're kids. to me, its a way of buildin up fitness n technique coz kids r more unpredictable when it comes to things like soccer. they can kick from anywhere anytime n u gotta b awake for any scenario. its juz fun playin wif em coz theyre playin to have fun. its cool to nibble the ball around short small legs kickin n tuggin at ya n i guess my ball control gets better tt way. anyway, today, the kids talked like they knew soccer inside out, i was on verge of snappin i just showed em a little of the rougher side of soccer n just quipped 'u wanna play soccer properly yea? fine, lets play then' n they juz shut up. i mean, i know theyre only kids, but there r limits. we had only 4 ppl playin in our team, them havin like 7, 8. now, no matter how gd one side may b, u cant expect outnumberin. it juz puts physical strain on us. it means we gotta run more, move more n play harder. n those kids were still complainin. every single mistake we made, every incomplete pass we made, they had somethin to say. so, yea, me, obviously bein in a bad mood for past few days, wit this not makin any better when i hoped for a nice time, just took the ball n went around their whole team n blasted the ball. shut em up for a while when they realised i was takin none of the nonsense. soon, it became kinda worse, so i just played like a tickin bomb, about to burst anytime, but i had it under control. the others were lookin at me, cautious not to do anythin wrong.

i can b pretty bad when i snap. i hardly lose my cool, but when i do, everythin comes out. ppl will get to see a side of me they never imagined b4. n its doesnt happen often, so most still dont know abt this. besides, i hardly let if out on a person, so yea.. once i did take it out on a person few yrs back. this guy kept kickin at my legs n once, i felt like he intentionally went for my face, i dunno if he really was or was it an accident, i grabbed the bugger n threw him to the ground n blasted at him "dont mothafuckin do that again u piece of shit!" or somethin n there was this dead silence everywhere. haha, see, ppl think i'm this normal calm guy, never expected me to blow like tt.

ah well, it happens doesnt it. when everyone got bored of playin, i just took the ball n kept hittin hard shots. part of me was practicin possible free kicks in the match next wk, part of me was juz tryin to bend frustration on the ball. ended up hurtin my toes, but tts juz me. i did feel a little better n was happy i had some gd shots.

i guess one regret will b this episode while playin soccer. i shifted to bein in defence after pumpin in couple of goals. so i was near this walk path leadin from swimmin pool as well as the carpark. i noticed this girl was walkin towards us. i've seen her b4. if i'm not wrong, then i suppose shes my age, if not mayb 21 or 22. she doesnt look local. probably an indonesian, a typical look, i might add. one of those rich family's dear daughter. it seemed like she had a class. i dunno if poly has classes on sundays or mayb it was a private sch. or mayb she was juz comin back home after she went out. anyway, she was walkin towards us, stopped in her tracks, then went back towards the car park lift. then while i was playin, i noticed she walkin towards us again. i looked at her, our eyes kinda crossed (i think), then she turned away yet again. i dun usually take note of such stuff, so i juz continued playin. but then, u noe when this kinda thing happens, u cant help but look back, n there i think she was, lookin at me yet again. now i was thinkin, okay, one, y is she lookin at me, two, wats she doin juz standin there, three, unlikely, but wat, she's actually lookin at me coz she fancies me? nah, come on... i'm pretty bad at these kinda stuff, usually neglect it so my chances pass by. haha, today couldve been another one of that. well, after couple of eye contacts, she decided to move on the the unit tt's inside the estate. it so happened my goalie wasnt payin attention n let in a stupid goal. then as she was walkin past, i cursed at the goalie n told em to pay attention n all. slap slap. bad move. if by any chance she did actually fancy me, then there goes my chance huh. cursin right infront of her wouldve so put up a gd impression. walid 0 stupidity 1. ah well. its not the first time. these kinda stuff rarely happen but when it does i juz gotta press the wrong switch all the time.

i think i'm bein too hopeful tho. i mean, y would she wanna look at me. but the thing is, we've seen eachother b4 n we did hav eye contact previously. so i was led to perceive.... ah fuck it. doesnt make any diff does it. even if somethin has happened, wat would hav happened after tt? things like suddenly goin out, havin a gd time n shit like tt happen only in bks n movies, how could i expect them. haha, stupid me.

nah, even if it happened, i couldnt. not now anyway.

blah blah. sch starts again tomorrow. i got 4 periods of chem n double period GP. a perfect day to kill urself at the start of the week. but wats new.

been listenin to a lot of 'scream' rock. makes me feel gd. it like gettin tt anger outta ur mind. theres this song by blindspot 'nil by mouth' n three days grace 'i hate everythin about you' as well as limp bizkit's 'eat you alive.' all feels v gd when u need to get rid of tt anger n fury in u. some classic examples r zach de la rocha of Rage, Korn, Limp Bizkit amongst others. sometimes i listen to slow moody songs to calm myself, if not, i resort to hard rock, metal music to burn it all up. its workin!

hmm.. ok i better stop. ive been typin all these in the dark. everyones asleep at home n the monitor's like the only bright thing in the whole house. but ive managed to type all these in the dark without lookin at the keyboard. haha, amazin wat kinda things u pick up after so much computin.